Persephone: Parent

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Goodbye To You

Honestly, in the past year or even more, I have been such a push over. I have let people judge me, my friends and my family and never said a thing. Simply stewing in my resentment in private. And when I have ever said anything, it has been dismissed as if what I think, what I feel does not matter.

Do you know what actually angers and upsets me most about all of this though? It isn’t that I let it all happen to me, it isn’t that my family and friends have so little regard for me that they treat me like nothing, no, it’s that I can already see it all happening to my son.

And I refuse to allow that to happen.

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Where’s My Boy Gone?

No, I don’t mean the cliché that every other parent around me says – the: “Where’s my baby gone?” Nope, and anyone who ever told me that “you’ll miss these baby days, the new-born phase and wonder at 1 where your baby went”, news for you – never wondered that.

Neither do I mean that I’ve literally lost him. Nope, I just want to know where the happy, independent, loves nursery boy has gone.

A few weeks ago, he complained if Daddy drove past the nursery looking for a parking space, as if Daddy wasn’t taking him there. A few weeks ago, he refused to be carried up the stairs at nursery, refused to be lifted over the safety gate by a nursery worker, wanting to walk himself and straight to the toys. And then they changed his playroom and he started crying at handover.

Well, now, apparently, he kicks off entering the nursery. Or approaching it in the car. I have to give him credit for recognising the place from the car outside on the street, but why does he suddenly apparently not want to be there? Because I saw him the other day as I went to collect him, I snuck in and peered around a door frame and there he was giggling away and playing. He’s never come home with strange marks (he gets more bruises at home than there!), always has a clean bum, never got a red bum, sometimes he’s clearly slathered in bum cream. He’s not even unhappy when he sees me, or relieved.

He has started throwing a strop before we leave the nursery, but it feels more like he’s trying to stay. So, he grabs at Daddy to not leave him, and then pushes away from me and slams gates closed to stay.

I honestly have no idea what his problem is, what has caused this or how to stop it.

Is it because they changed his room and he doesn’t like it?

Is it because soon after moving room, we moved home and he’s not sure where he stands anymore? He’s only been at nursery for three months, that’s 12 weeks of a lot of changes.

He was ill the other week (I thought teething, but no tooth arrived), is this a lasting effect? Is he still a bit ill?

Is it because we don’t have a safety gate upstairs so I don’t give him freedom and independence up there at the moment? Unless we’re in a rush, I allow Elvis to control where-ish he wants to go. After a nap, for example, if he wants to play upstairs, I do some tidying until he approaches the stair gate. Is he rebelling against that lack of freedom?

Will I ever know?

~ P

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Photo Challenge: Something Green

I have a few pins on my pinterest board “Photography”, but I decided to use the most recently pinned one. The original blog is from here: Little Bennet.

Now, I’ve decided that I’m going to do this one. I. am. going. to. do. it! It’s part of my trying to organise my blogging regime, I have sorted out and scheduled poetry posts on my original blog (Persephone’s Posts) and I am planning two blogs a week on here, not including any for this new photo challenge. Now, I know that there is no way that I can do it in 30 days. That’s just impossible, so instead I will try and do it within 30 weeks, but also with a maximum of two photos per week.

Here is the original list from Little Bennet:

  1. Self Portrait
  2. What you wore
  3. Clouds
  4. Something Green
  5. After Dark
  6. Obsession
  7. Changes to Come
  8. Routine
  9. Someone you Love
  10. Childhood Memory
  11. Something Blue
  12. Sunset
  13. Cannot Live Without
  14. Eyes
  15. Silhouette
  16. Faceless Self Portrait
  17. A Good Habit
  18. Technology
  19. Your Shoes
  20. Something You Want
  21. In My Bag
  22. Inspirational
  23. Patterns
  24. Animal
  25. Strangers
  26. Close-Up
  27. Celebration
  28. Flowers
  29. Black And White
  30. Self Portrait

And now for something green -
image

image

I had to pick two images for this one, both for a walk at Hilsea Lines on a weekend. I like the highlight of colour in the first image and the green, green and more green in the second!

~ P

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No Man’s Land. Again – Clothing

When I was pregnant with Elvis I didn’t spend that much on maternity wear. I think I lived in the same four t-shirts for the majority of my time and I bought my maternity trousers in the January sales. I’m pretty sure that I made it to half way through before hitting the maternity wear. Possibly slightly after.

Well, I haven’t made it that far this time!

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67 Weeks Old, 19 Weeks 6 Days Pregnant

I hit 20 weeks pregnant this week! And had my 20 week scan (at 19 weeks, 6 days), and a physiotherapist appointment and my first VBAC appointment. I’d never seen it before, but have since I had Elvis, blogs were mums-to-be check out gender myths and try and figure out which apply to them. I thought I would do it this time around! I was unsure if I wanted to find out the gender. I was never sure if I wanted to learn Elvis’ gender before his 20 weeks. This time, the midwife never asked and I forgot to, so we didn’t find out. We’ll have to wait another 22 weeks (I consider, after last time, that a pregnancy is 42 weeks and not 40!).

The VBAC appointment was okay. That means Vaginal Birth After Caesarean, by the way. They didn’t have my first labour notes so could not state definitively that I could not try vaginal, but they do need to check the notes. I don’t think it should be an issue. They also explained that a C-section can have increased risks the second time around – scarring can make it harder to get in and out. I had never thought of that. The midwife did start to go on about how C-section babies have harder times breastfeeding, harder times breathing and an increased chance of being in special care. I kind of consider it almost as scare mongering. Especially when I have had a C-section. I knew the risks going into that one so what would have changed in 15 months? I appreciate being told about increased risks because of a second section, but not of having a section.

The physiotherapist was really good. She advised me on how to sleep properly. I haven’t been supporting my ankles with the body pillow. The night of the appointment, I shifted the body pillow and honestly the pain has been so much better in my pelvis. Sadly, the physiotherapist advised that I really should not be swimming breaststroke. I’ve tried swimming twice since then. Both epic failures. Before I got pregnant, I was managing 50 lengths, the last time I swam breaststroke I was on 36 lengths, this week I managed 28 and then 22. It’s depressing. And the 22 lengths was cut short because of an awful cramp in my foot that lasted over 20 minutes. I’m really quite upset about it and feel like quitting the exercise completely.

But my pelvis doesn’t hurt as much. I guess that’s the thought I need to hang on to, right? Okay, after the More, check out the gender predictions!

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Photo Challenge: Clouds

I have a few pins on my pinterest board “Photography”, but I decided to use the most recently pinned one. The original blog is from here: Little Bennet.

Now, I’ve decided that I’m going to do this one. I. am. going. to. do. it! It’s part of my trying to organise my blogging regime, I have sorted out and scheduled poetry posts on my original blog (Persephone’s Posts) and I am planning two blogs a week on here, not including any for this new photo challenge. Now, I know that there is no way that I can do it in 30 days. That’s just impossible, so instead I will try and do it within 30 weeks, but also with a maximum of two photos per week.

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Surprises

I’ve moved house. Yay?

Well, I absolutely ache all over. I am never moving house again. Never ever ever. Except if we ever decide to make the move out of town to get the garden. If hubby starts down a new road at work. Or if we win the lottery. Or if we have more than 3 children. When those things are satisfied, I’ll consider moving. But one thing I do promise is that I am never moving whilst pregnant ever again!

I last moved about 2 years ago. Pregnant with Elvis. Why didn’t I learn from that event?

All I really did was make sure that stuff was packed, unpacked a few bits and bobs. Oh, yeah and went on a mammoth walk because Elvis needed a nap and there was no bed ready for him (despite all of my planning, someone did not get my toddler’s room ready first). I ache. The only thing that hasn’t really hurt at some point over the past few days is actually my pelvis! So, nothing actually pregnancy related (on that note, I think I’ve ballooned over night and am clearly pregnant – bump is also harder now so less like a ball of fat!). It’s been quite stressful.

Do you know what kept me going through the worst moments? Through the arguments, the hang up phone calls, the pain and exreme tiredness? Elvis!

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Moving Home: Things To Worry About

Since I was about 4 months pregnant with Elvis, hubby and I have lived in a house that I only bought as an investment to rent out. I never really paid much attention to the pros and cons of whoever was going to live there. Wish I had when it ended up being us for almost 2 years. Earlier this year, I bought a new house for my mum so that she and I can do a house swap – she will downsize into a new house, I will upsize into her house (my childhood home) and then my current house will be sold (because sod the renting out thing again).

I wanted to compile a little list of the pros and cons of each house and immortalise why I will miss some features, and won’t miss others.

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Photo Challenge: What You Wore

I have a few pins on my pinterest board “Photography”, but I decided to use the most recently pinned one. The original blog is from here: Little Bennet.

Now, I’ve decided that I’m going to do this one. I. am. going. to. do. it! It’s part of my trying to organise my blogging regime, I have sorted out and scheduled poetry posts on my original blog (Persephone’s Posts) and I am planning two blogs a week on here, not including any for this new photo challenge. Now, I know that there is no way that I can do it in 30 days. That’s just impossible, so instead I will try and do it within 30 weeks, but also with a maximum of two photos per week.

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Who’s a Big Boy Now?

It’s almost September, do you know what that means?

That means that my son, my little baby, my toddler with only 4 teeth and barely any hair whatsoever, my boy who has only been in nursery for two months is moving up a class!

His nursery (I’m not sure if it’s a standard practice), keep their toddlers in rooms based upon their school years after their first year. So, because he will be turning 2 in the upcoming school year (huh, 2? When did that number come in to play? He’s only 15 months old!) he gets to move up into their Big baby room.

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