Persephone: Parent

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7 Day Itch… In More Ways Than One

on April 29, 2013

Today is officially my 6th day of maternity (although it’s still actually annual leave) but because the hubby was at football all day Saturday, today is day 7 of alone time.

And hubby’s working late so I’m alone for even longer.

I’m not going to say that I’m bored, I think it might just be a weird day. I’m starting to worry.

A lot.

There are still 9 days until my EDD and aside from a few Braxton Hicks in the early evening there is no sign of Elvis. According to my GP earlier, his head isn’t engaged yet. Meanwhile my friend was induced last night at 37 weeks early.

Her induction truly makes me feel like I’m the last and I’m trying my hardest to not wallow in a TTC state of mind. It’s difficult.

Especially when Elvis isn’t engaged. Especially when, aside from a moses basket stand, I’ve bought everything I think we need. Including yet more clothes! Especially when it still hurts enough as to how we got here, as the days count down I seem to be more and more aware of it.

Especially when my itchy, spot covered stretch marks are still itching like hell and I now seem to have a rash on my arms and I’m itchy all over.

I’m worrying whether he’s anterior or posterior. I’m worrying because the nurse won’t give me a blood test to check my liver until Friday. I’m worrying that multiple people are purposefully arranging a visit that could be far too early for my liking and I seem to have no control. I’m worrying that I’m going to be expected to be fine and coping but that in actual fact I won’t be. I’m worrying that absolutely everyone will be able to tell me how I’m doing everything wrong because they’ve all been there and done that.

I’m worried that I’m going to end up failing at everything like I always have done.

~ Persephone M

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2 responses to “7 Day Itch… In More Ways Than One

  1. morasmum says:

    That is a a truck load of worries!

    Go boots, ask the chemist to give you a body lotion with lower pH for your itchiness (hormones make your skin less acidic, causing itchiness)

    Now, please excuse me since I don’t personally know you i don’t have the right to say this but, Fuck “everybody” who is expecting fuck from you!

    Your baby, your body, your rules. you’ll cope when you’ll cope, you take the time you need to learn and create that bond. Everything else is not important at all.

    The responsibility is daunting, but YOU CAN DO IT, there is nothing preventing you from being a great mum, you will see this in a few months: the amount of love you will feel for elvis is so strong that you will know in your hart you are strong enough and willing to do your best.

    Don’t get me wrong, my DS is 2, and i spend a lot of time during the day panicking about stuff, wondering if I am messing him up, being a bad mum … the usual “auto flagellation” … but i’ll try my best to do it right. That is all that elvis can ask for, you trying your best.

    One last thing, just so you know, when DS was born he was beautiful and i “loved” him then and there, but I actually really felt a real pang of overwhelming-bringing-tears-to-my-eyes-OMG-I’d die for you-type of love after a few WEEKS. There are no rules everyone is different, don’t listen to anybody, and be patient you’ll be great.

    • Persephone says:

      Thanks, honey! I think I was having a mini emotional meltdown. Felt so much better after sharing. Now I’m enjoying my days without even trying!

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