Persephone: Parent

A fine site

Duvet Day

on June 1, 2013

I saw a midwife two days ago for Elvis’ 9 day weigh in and she was the one who said that Elvis was probably going through his first spurt and I should have a duvet day. So yesterday I stayed in bed most of the morning and went back in the afternoon.

It didn’t really do much good as the night was hell so today’s duvet day has been different.

Today it was on the sofa. So there was no hubby bringing Elvis to me, waking me to feed our son. Instead I have essentially sat on the sofa with Elvis all day. Except during his trip to the shops, napping afterwards and half an hour a few hours ago where he briefly settled in his Moses and, instead of resting, I took a shower!

And now as the evening begins to creep on, I feel far better than I could have imagined. I don’t plan on staying here all night but whilst sleep evades me (because Elvis refuses it or because I can’t calm my mind to sleep) I have the TV. Or the far easier nap location that is a cuddly sofa rather than a bed.

The problem that now seems to have cropped up is stress between hubby and I. We’re both exhausted. We’re both trying to put Elvis first and neither of us have anyone putting each other first. I guess we never will again. And it is stressful.

He’s said things that have upset me – giving a formula bottle just to give me some peace, that he thought my mothering instinct would have hit by now and I’d be coping with the sleepless nights because he’s not been sleeping either. I’ve taken them both as insults to me personally.

I’ve said insensitive things to him – that I’m jealous, that I’m a failure, that he gets far more sleep than I do, that he at least has a bond with his son. It can’t be easy to hear the woman you love say all those things, to think all of those things about herself. Someone you love can’t be a failure to those who love them, right?

I know it’ll be okay, that neither of us have said anything irredeemable to each other and I know that things will get better, both between hubby and I, and Elvis and I. Both just have to wait and persevere through this magical time.

I wonder if one day I will look back on now, reading these blogs, and think of this time fondly. Everyone says I will, but there’s no light at the end of the tunnel yet. Just a glimmer of hope, a pinprick of the future guiding me.

And I know that when I do finally make it off this sofa to bed, I’m going to hug my hubby and apologise for taking my exhaustion out on him without recognising his own or how much he’s trying to help. I need to stop focussing on all the failures – mine, his and ours.

Maybe it’ll help give this time some magic.

One last time of putting Elvis down downstairs. Fingers crossed…

~ Persephone M

6 responses to “Duvet Day

  1. Ginny says:

    Hang in there it is earth shatteringly tiring the first weeks. Spend as much time on the sofa as you need, and cat nap in the day. Does he sleep in a basket next to sofa? He might think he’s next to you even though in own bed.

    If you need anything.

    • Persephone says:

      He doesn’t sleep at all during the day unless he’s on someone or been out for a walk. But he did sleep for about 2hrs this evening as I napped!

      Thanks 🙂

      • diynavymomma says:

        My baby would only sleep on me the first couple months.
        When my baby was first born I said numerous time to my hubby “I’m a failure at being a mother” to which he replied “you’re an amazing mother”. Numerous times as I woke all night to nurse our baby I stared at his limp sleeping body and wanted to slap him in jealously, lol. Actually, that feeling never goes away. Its still there, haha!
        You can do it momma! Hang in there!

      • Persephone says:

        Today feels better. There have just been a few too many bad days in a row! I just need a bit of rest! And when I’m that tired, I can’t control my words.

        Thank you for your reassurance 🙂

  2. tric says:

    You thought you fought before you had a baby, now you know what real rows are like. Look around you at all the women who had babies have felt exactly as you do. Hang in there.

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