Persephone: Parent

A fine WordPress.com site

The Sun is Out But Not Quite In

on June 1, 2013

He didn’t go down straight away after this morning’s early feed, but he did after a bit. Unfortunately it was after I joined the ranks of bad mother and actually shouted at him to shut up. Unsurprisingly it didn’t work.

I fed him again. Put him down and went to cry hysterically at my hubby because I really can’t do this. By the time he’d calmed me, Elvis was asleep and I crawled into bed with the next scheduled feed before 8. I awoke before the alloted time as he still slept soundly and I decided to invoke the 4hour gap – the once a day golden ticket.

That I didn’t need because Elvis wanted feeding sooner, which I really don’t mind.  I prefer him to choose when he’s hungry rather than be force fed every three hours.

It’s the hourly feeding I can’t deal with.

Take today since that 8am-ish feed. He has done nothing but feed or be wide awake. It’s now 2pm and after the 8am he fed at 9 and 1030. The big gap and hour’s rest for me only came about as hubby took Elvis to the shops. So for those 4 hours this morning, when was I supposed to rest?

New mothers should sleep when the newborn does. 5 hours after we got up he’s only been asleep for 1hour when daddy took him out. Which is fine when daddy’s here, but his paternity leave’s over now. So what happens then?

Everyone keeps telling me that I’m doing really well, that I’m doing the right thing, that it’s what’s best for both of us and all the bonding crap.

Yeah, bonding crap! Because whilst I watch hubby be amazing with his son, smiling, laughing and loving him in a way I never would have imagined, I dread almost every noise when he’s asleep. I lie there unable to sleep because I know there’s no point as he’ll wake up. I’m envious of the fun and love there is between my two boys. I’m too tired to feel any of that.

I’m tired enough to feel only resentment and surely that isn’t being amazing or doing the right thing by my son.

And after tomorrow I’m on my own.

~ Persephone M

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Baby in the Sunshine

British baby living in Dubai

Dallas Decoder

Between the Lines and Behind the Scenes of "Dallas"

ColleysWobbles

Riding the wave that is life...wobbles and all

Snot On My Jumper

...and other tales of parenthood

Scarlett and Me

Fashion and beauty for mums and their babes by Faye Jacobs

Dear Mummy Blog

The travellings of Baby Isabella

Can I Breastfeed In It?

Can I Breastfeed In It?

Motherhood - made up by me

My journey of motherhood of my daughter and how I make it all up as I go along

A new thing a day keeps the boredom away

My challenge for 2015: try something new every day for a whole year.

%d bloggers like this: