Persephone: Parent

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Exhausting Elvis

on June 3, 2013

Yesterday I tried something new, well old actually and swaddled Elvis in my baby blanket during the afternoon and early evening. He went down for 3 naps across the day in his Moses basket.

Finally the boy napped.

And so did I.

But then it all went to crap. From 7pm, after his third nap, Elvis refused to be put down. Which wasn’t too bad except it continued until 3am where I decided he was just comfort nursing but he would cry if put down and I started to literally fall asleep on Elvis.

I reached the point of pure exhaustion which has lasted all of today. I’m now pretty much petrified of night-times.

I saw midwives and someone from the local breastfeeding support team and they all said that I’m doing really well; it’s really good to be told that.

But it doesn’t change how exhausted I am or how, at 10pm now, I’m petrified of night-times.

Elvis napped this morning from half ten where I managed a slight nap but then midwives etc started turning up. Then he had some quiet awake time where I ignored him to close my eyes. What a great parent I am?

And that was it until daddy got home from work and took him out for a walk. Which is when, on the advice of the midwives, I expressed 2 ounces so daddy can do some of tonight and I can try and sleep. It doesn’t take away the fear.

It doesn’t take away everything that runs through my mind, preventing me from relaxing. It doesn’t take away my stress and my hatred. It doesn’t mean I won’t remain physically exhausted, unable to even walk up my stairs without needing to rest.

Last week it was simply that I wasn’t sure I could keep breastfeeding. Now I’m fine with that but I’m not sure I can do the whole lot.

And maybe that’s why I couldn’t get pregnant. I was never supposed to.

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2 responses to “Exhausting Elvis

  1. diynavymomma says:

    Momma, I’m ready all your posts and I want to let you know that everytime you are experiencing is 100% normal in the newborn area! Don’t feel ashamed, don’t give up, don’t feel defeated. You’re doing everything right!
    When my little man was brand new, we had a very rough start to breastfeeding. He had a terrible time get a good latch, it was always shallow no matter how hard I tried. Then when it seemed like we finally had it down, all the sudden it was like we were back at phase one, and he would fuss at the breast. I stressed, I cried, I literally wept. I was terrified my baby wasnt getting what he needed, maybe my supply was low, maybe this, maybe that.
    He wanted to comfort suck 24/7, and I literally mean 24/7. He’d wake exactly on the dot every 2 hours to nurse, he’d nurse for 45 minutes, and by the time I had fallen back to sleep with him, it was about time for him wake and nurse again. I was beyond sleep deprived, and a complete mess head to toe.
    In the first month you will feel like you are nursing 24/7, because you basically are. It’s normal, it’s part of the process! You will feel like your body is running on gas fumes, and your not sure you can even putter a foot ahead of you. Your baby will change everyday. One day one thing will work, the next day it won’t and something completely different will.
    Do you cosleep? Have you considered it if you don’t? It will save you life!
    Just remember, it will all be worth it in the end! I’m still nursing my 11 month old, and I swear to you if you asked me if we’d be where were at in the first 3 weeks I would have definitely said no.
    Don’t fret momma! You’re doing everything right!

    • Persephone says:

      I’m finding, even when exhausted, going to sleep difficult because I know he’ll wake up so it feels like what’s the point.

      Co-sleeping with all 3 of us in the bed is far too worrisome for me. Accidentally did it the other night and I awoke very confused. It’s ok if he actually sleeps some!

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