Persephone: Parent

A fine WordPress.com site

Yesterday, I Fell In Love

on June 14, 2013

I’m probably about to bring great, humungous shame on myself as a parent, but yesterday I fell in love with my son.

Yesterday, I felt it for the first time.

Sure I’ve thought he was cute and I’ve known how much he completely and totally depends on me. But I’d felt necessity until yesterday.

I had a comment on a blog earlier this week about how honest my posts are, which they are except for a few things that I leave out, refusing to admit them. It’s a refusal out of fear and shame.

It is by far a secret that I spent the first two weeks finding everything incredibly difficult. On Sunday night I finally admitted to hubby how difficult and how I felt. I admitted that, at that time, I was only doing everything I was for my husband. I wasn’t feeding Elvis because Elvis needed me to, I was doing it because hubby wanted me to. I wasn’t forcing myself to stay at home with my family for Elvis’ sake, it was because, if I left I’d lose my husband and I don’t want that.

At that point I was still happy to sleep on the sofa abandoning my son in the room with his daddy who was fast asleep and none the wiser. I was happy for daddy to take Elvis out for a few hours and leave me in peace – I wouldn’t know where either of them were. When I was with him I was only making sure that he was safe – room temperature, layers of clothing, etc – because we both suffered so much to get Elvis, not because I didn’t want to lose him.

Until yesterday when I looked down at him at some point and felt so scared of losing him because I love him. So when he spent the night sounding really mucousy to the point that I couldn’t sleep out of worry, I took him downstairs to where it was quieter so I could sleep and hear him. Last week I’d have left him with daddy out of annoyance.

Now there are no thoughts of me walking out, not from fear of losing my hubby but because I could never do that to Elvis. Now I no longer view Elvis as a leech, draining all my life from me. He’s my child and I love him.

It just took over 3 weeks for it to happen!

~ Persephone M

Advertisements

2 responses to “Yesterday, I Fell In Love

  1. tazdream says:

    Yahoo! U found the light at the end of the tunnel! Sooooooo happy for u xoxo 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Baby in the Sunshine

British baby living in Dubai

Dallas Decoder

Between the Lines and Behind the Scenes of "Dallas"

ColleysWobbles

Riding the wave that is life...wobbles and all

Snot On My Jumper

...and other tales of parenthood

Scarlett and Me

Fashion and beauty for mums and their babes by Faye Jacobs

Dear Mummy Blog

The travellings of Baby Isabella

Can I Breastfeed In It?

Can I Breastfeed In It?

Motherhood - made up by me

My journey of motherhood of my daughter and how I make it all up as I go along

A new thing a day keeps the boredom away

My challenge for 2015: try something new every day for a whole year.

%d bloggers like this: