Persephone: Parent

A fine site

Dusk til Dawn

on July 6, 2013

During the first few weeks of Elvis’ life I strongly remembering blogging (and I remember the actual time) that my most hated time of day was during the night. It was during those dark hours that everything seemed impossible, that I would be at my most tired and unable to last however long and however frequent he was feeding.

That passed a while ago, along withe constant breast and nipple tenderness that made showering painful, and now I have a new worst time of day – dusk. 8-9pm.

Why? For some of the same reasons.
Whilst there is still no true routine. Sometimes we get up at 5, sometimes 8. Sometimes we nap from 9-12, sometimes it’s 2-5. There is the pretty constant bedtime, by constant I mean the final feed starts between half 7 and half 8. We tend to retire to the bedroom by eight pm. This is what I think of as my bedtime.

So sometimes, if I’ve been caught out and he fell asleep early downstairs, I have to work at getting him back to sleep in bed – past my bedtime. Other times he needs to nurse more. Whatever the reasons, it’s from 7 onwards that my nipples start to ache. I’d even describe it as throbbing in pain. But only at dusk.

At that first nighttime feed, no pain. In the morning? Nope. During the day? Nada, zilch, zip. Just the bedtime one and perhaps the one right before.

And the throbbing in at least one continues as I lie there trying to sleep.

It’s bad enough normally, but it’s so hot here that Elvis has been feeding/drinking more frequently and has pretty much refused to nap today. My left nipple (the better of the two) is throbbing and he’s asleep on the other. Every time I take him off, he wakes up. As he’s not pulling and yanking (does not help the throbbing) I’m leaving him until gets darker outside.

My hatred of dusk has already had me in tears – what if, because of the heat, he needs to drink all night long? Can I cope with the throbbing? Can I stand the heat? Will I become hysterical in the dark? Or will he simply stay asleep, coming off on his own, leaving us to hope that tomorrow’s a better day?

Of course if he does stay asleep, we’re already an hour towards his next feed, an hour’s less sleep for me!

Will we ever get over this? Does the soreness go away?

Will his sleeping sort itself out? Will things become regular?

Will I ever get a bedtime back?

~ Persephone M

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