Persephone: Parent

A fine site

Long Term Planning: Dilemma

on July 16, 2013

I hate making decisions, yet I always find that everyone expects me to make them. Dinner is up to me. Where we go holiday is up to me. Where we’ll go for lunch is up to me. This applies to family and friends. It’s always up to me.

Maybe it’s because I’m good at making decisions. Maybe it’s because I’m the picky one. Maybe it’s because everyone else is more laid back than me. Maybe I’m recognised as a control freak.

Is that why I’ve found parenthood so difficult, I’ve lost all control?

The latest decision I’ve been given, well it feels like my whole future hinges on it.
We are finally selling the flat we’ve been renting out for 4 years. Which means we can buy a family home in our home city. Currently we live in what is essentially a 2 up 2 down, with bathroom. I bought it two years ago to rent out and we moved into it last December when we made it ready for us two and my bump.

It would never ever be my choice for a home.

We have two bedrooms – ours and the nursery. There isn’t room for a cot in our room, there isn’t room for a bed with the cot in the nursery. Due to me and Elvis bed-sharing, daddy sleeps on the sofa. We can’t stay up later or get up earlier than Daddy without waking up as the kitchen is accessed through the living room. If Elvis is having a bad night, there is no TV I can watch. Even if there were, this house is so small… the only time I can’t hear my son cry is when I’m in the shower.

I have two options.

Option One
Daddy and I can buy a new, family sized home. There we will be able to all sleep in beds, we will be able to keep Elvis’ playgym and rocker out without tripping over them getting to the kitchen. There I might be able to get a nap whilst daddy soothes Elvis and I won’t hear a thing. And as Elvis grows, he’ll have the room to grow.

The house we buy would have to be pretty much perfect or be made perfect before we could move in.


Option Two
Or we buy a smaller home with a smaller mortgage and swap with my mum so she downsizes and we get the family home. We could remodel it, we’d have the money to, but we could take our time, do it whilst living there. With a smaller mortgage and more savings to start with not only could we do loads of renovations, but we might be financially stable enough that I don’t need to work.

Hubby says it’s up to me. My mum says that hubby has to be happy with it and I…

I have no freaking idea. I love my mum’s house and always have. There are some layout things I’d change up and downstairs and I’d love to design my own home rather than move into a family home where the kitchen is new and done.

Option 2 could work out the quicker option, but would we feel bad kicking mum out ofher home? Or does she truly want to downsize? Would my hubby ever feel like it was his home? How would I feel if mum broke her hip and had to sell our family home to buy somewhere smaller? My Dad’s in the bloody back garden! (His ashes, nothing Brookside-ey)

I don’t know. Either way gets a family home that I want for Elvis. For so long I felt static in life and now everything’s changing. Is my brain even capable of making this decision?

We need more space, but this decision is still for his future. How do I decide that?

~ Persephone M

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