Persephone: Parent

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Hard with a Capital H

on July 24, 2013

Why is everything so much significantly Harder now?

Should it be this Hard?

Will it get easier?

Why is leaving the house Hard? Everything’s in the changing bag, E’s food is in me. Yet everything comes with an extra complication.

For my birthday I got a slow cooker to help me have decent meals as I still don’t have the time to cook. But I need a recipe book, which means shopping.

I admitted to my husband the other day that sometimes I regret all this. It’s true and yet it isn’t.

Sometimes I wonder why I wanted children. I wonder why I never just gave up. I wonder why all that struggling and pain didn’t make me stronger.

In about week 3 I wanted to go back to work to have some me time. Now, 6 weeks later I want a nanny to do all the hard stuff for me because I’m still a selfish spoilt child who expects everything to be handed to her.

I read someone’s blog the other day about a cot death and now I’m paranoid about co-sleeping again.

Someone even said to me the other day that I wanted all this as if I couldn’t complain about feeling like this.

I have no idea how people do this, people I thought I was stronger than.

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8 responses to “Hard with a Capital H

  1. lynnc2010 says:

    There are going to be good days and bad days. I have asked myself why I wanted this. Why I had kids. It doesn’t make you a weaker person, in fact I think it makes your stronger. It’s human nature to question our choices. Those people you thought you were stronger then have days like you are having too. Most people just can’t admit to it. Admitting that you are struggling is healthy. It means you can acknowledge that having a baby isn’t all roses and butterflies. It’s shitty. Both literally and figuratively. Don’t feel like you can’t complain. Holding it in isn’t healthy. And just because you complain doesn’t mean you love your baby any less. Just means you can admit that you aren’t perfect. Hugs to you Momma. I hope things start getting better for you soon.

  2. Piper's Run says:

    It is hard. We have 3 year old and almost 8 month old girls and I’m still finding it hard. It does get easier as they hit another milestone; sitting up was a big one for us recently. Your not alone and it’s okay to feel this way….the good thing is that your talking/writing about it…some people don’t do that and that’s Hard! Good luck.

    • Persephone says:

      Thank you. I think we’re having problems feeding and it’s making me tired and emotional. Fingers crossed it passes! I’m on a countdown to 6 months xx

  3. Give yourself at least 6 months. At least. I say a year to feel like all this is manageable. It’ll never be how it was but it won’t be like this either.

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