Persephone: Parent

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Booby Talk: The Sequel

on July 31, 2013

It was awful.

I am never giving Elvis a bottle again.

On a truly selfish note, bottle feeding took two hands so I couldn’t tweet, facebook or blog. Same with expressing. Actually breastfeeding – one hand!

There’s also the fact that, whilst his eyes looking at me unnerves me when we’re usually feeding, during his bottle feed his eyes were locked with mine.

And all I felt was guilt.

Guilt at begrudging him actual booby simply because I didn’t want to waste my morning excess. Then I had to break eye contact, the guilt his baby blues were bringing me was too much. I was welling up, longing just to hold him but he would scream if I stopped.

Then worry set in. Would he forgive me? Would he go on a nursing strike? At ten weeks old would he forget how to latch and feed from a booby?

It was relief that filled me when the bottle emptied and he was still crying. He went onto my boob straight away and I relaxed, my guilt gone.

I might still buy some freezer bags, for those times of leakage, but not for me to ever give him. Bottles can be Daddy’s area.

I’m not someone who thinks that breastfeeding is amazing. Nor do I think it’s a great bonding time. I feed my son that way because it’s the best and cheapest thing that everyone’s encouraged to do. I’m not counting down to weaning because it hurts, I’m counting down because then I  don’t have to do it.

But me giving the bottle felt wrong to me. And I know it isn’t. I don’t know.

~ Persephone M

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3 responses to “Booby Talk: The Sequel

  1. Just do what works for you. You give a bottle? Daddy gives a bottle? None of it is harmful for your baby so you just make the choice that is right for you!

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