Persephone: Parent

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One of Those Days

on August 2, 2013

Do you ever have one of those days? A day where everyone else seems bloody prefect and they all seem to remind you that you’re not?

A day where all you want to do is sleep? Or cry? And crying might actually be the easier option.

I’m having/had one of those days where I just want to curl up in a ball and sob.

So I did.

I put Elvis in his cot under his mobile so he was happy, turned some music on and lay on the floor of the nursery quietly sobbing.

As I lay there I considered blogging. I considered texting my husband. Both would have said the same: I am so sorry. I am useless. I’m not cut out for this. I’m not supposed to be a mother. Please forgive me.

I didn’t do either. Somehow I calmed down. I put dinner on and fed E as I started googling formula feeding. Yep, that’s how bad!

In some ways the day started well. An hour after his night time feed, E’s nappy had leaked and I had insomnia. Cue hysterical tears from me because I wanted sleep. And E woke up as I stripped him of his wet clothing.

So hubby came upstairs, told me to put an awake but calm E into his Moses and then get into bed.

After a short while I began to question E’s random noises so had a peek. I turned and whispered to hubby our son’s gone to sleep on his own.

And he stayed asleep until his 3 hour feed-feed was up.

So I fed him in the bed, hubby dozing next to us (wow!) and then put him back in his Moses. Without issue.

After an hour he was awake, but that’s normal – that’s when his day begins.

It would appear E self soothed. It would appear he’s fine in his Moses. It would appear I get my bed, space and husband back.

How did my day go so wrong? From 3am until half 7, I barely slept and have been up since then. I got tired. And everyone else seemed to have amazing days, with buckets of energy, perfect marriages and perfect babies.

Hello the unfriend, unfollow and block buttons! That was how tired I was, I became a petty child.

Despite my extreme tiredness we’re trying it again tonight. I need it for me, for my sanity. And E has started moving (left him on his playgym, ate lunch, came back, he’d started rotating – he’s trying to twist!) so my bed is no longer safe, I won’t be able to relax not knowing where he could have moved to!

Fingers crossed for tonight!

~ Persephone M – trying to stay positive

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6 responses to “One of Those Days

  1. Oh hon I know days like this! They were particularly prevalent in the early months. It will pass, it will pass, it will pass. And hey, awesome news that he is self settling in the moses basket. That is really quite amazing and awesome and look at how perfect the timing is now that he is starting to move. One day at a time. You’ll make it. You are doing great mummy x

  2. Rose says:

    I’m sure that a lot of people are just masters of deception when it comes to newborns – I remember how goddamn awful I felt and I too had insomnia for months and yet felt like I was going to die from tiredness! Other mums I met just seemed to smile and say it was going OK and some of them were even wearing MAKE UP. How could they!! I’ve never really been one to hide behind a wall of everything is perfect (too tiring), so I ended up feeling like I was just not cut out for mothering at all. There will always be days like this – but as time passes they get further apart – I promise!!! Hang in there, there’s no rush for anything. Be kind and forgiving to yourself X

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