Persephone: Parent

A fine site

To Clique or Not to Clique

on February 6, 2014

Firstly I hate it when clique gets mistaken for click. Hate. It.

Secondly, I think the word itself is often mis-used. I’m pretty sure I’ve mis-used it too.

There are some local facebook mummy groups that I sometimes find helpful, sometimes annoying and sometimes boring. Over the past few days mummy and baby groups with their clique-ness have been bitched about to high heaven.

Pretty much every baby group I’ve walked into I’ve done so alone. I have the ability to fake confidence and talk to anyone. In one group I try my hardest to spot a lonely mummy and chat to her because I know not everyone is like me. Even in my favourite group there is a group of mummies that could be described as cliquey. But are they?

I attend groups to get out the house, give E a change in scenery, help him socialise and the chance for me to also socialise. So if I’ve had a really bad morning, either baby related or not, do I want to chat to a friend or make a new friend?

I enjoy making new friends, but sometimes you might need the mummy you spoke to the week before. Would, on that occasion, to an outsider, that make me cliquey?

At a group the other day one mum came for the first time, I know her from another group, and she brought her sister. Both had young ‘uns. Two other newbies knew each other and 2 other mummies from outside of the group. One baby was brought by their Gran as mummy’s gone back to work. All of the rest were regulars. Refreshingly lots of regulars made time with the Gran – I think it must be so difficult for her. Of the other 4 newbies though, only two really interacted outside of their clique.

But here’s where I think some people use the term incorrectly. Do those mummies that knew other mummies from before focussing on each other mean they’re a clique?

Do those mummies that have become good friends through a group and talk to those friends, are they a clique?

If any of those mummies only see the other mummies at that group should they be made to feel bad for talking to their friends?

No matter how hard I try and notice a mum sitting alone, do others try just as hard to notice when I need something a bit more in depth?

Should mums who become good friends stop going to groups or should they always be on alert to newer mums?

When I first started going to my favourite baby group, there were about 7 mummies all with older babies, then another mum joined with a babe the same age as E. Those 7 mummies are still all really good friends, but they happily welcomed us in. But the group, even at 9 mummies, was nice and small. It’s still my favourite group, but there are at least 14 mummies every week now.

You can’t talk across the room in one large group. So, yeah, it can seem cliquey, but does any mummy mean to? No, I don’t think so.

Can it sometimes feel like being back at school? Yes, quite easily

Can you make friendships that last forever? Ask me in 18 years!

~ P

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