Persephone: Parent

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Finding the Old Me

on February 19, 2014

I’ve been having some sociable problems recently. I’ve been upset at baby groups that I love, considering stopping attending to try and feel better. I’ve been struggling with doing too much with hubby back at work and with simply missing him (not missing his help or him giving me a break, actually missing him) and I’ve started to want to hide away at home.

Okay the storms probably aren’t helping.

But I seem to have lost my confidence.

I walked into a mummy group at 10 weeks post alone into a room full of strangers. I still see a lot of those very first mums. At 4 or 5 months I walked into another baby group alone and I have a couple of friends from there who I probably don’t see as much.

I don’t know why I’m scared to go it alone again.

At the same time as my hubby stopped working, I stopped going to extra groups because I wanted Elvis to spend that time with his Daddy, not other babies. At about the same time it was brought to my attention that I hadn’t been the best of friends to my friends, so I went into overdrive of including every mummy I knew in things, inviting everyone to everything I had planned.

And now there’s a mixture of feeling like I need to include everyone, tell everyone about everything I find, and inability to walk into a new group alone.

Is it fear?
Fear of not having anyone to talk to?
Fear of upsetting people by not inviting them?
Is it even necessary?
If I have friends that can make a group, where’s the harm in taking them?
I don’t have to only talk to the people I know, do I?

So, I found a new (and free) group to try. I’ve asked a few mummies along. If they can’t make it I promise myself I will go.

If it’s fear, I’ll fight it. I didn’t have it 6 months ago!

~ P

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