Persephone: Parent

A fine site

Reconnecting With Myself

on March 8, 2014

For the past two weeks I’ve withdrawn myself from the outside world a little bit for a number of reasons and I’m wondering if it’s wrong.

Over the past 10 months (9.5 to be exact), I’ve felt under a lot of pressure to do right by everyone socially speaking and I now no longer know if I’m putting myself too high. Or Elvis too low.

Aside from one regular group and two paid for classes I’ve done nothing else with Elvis aside from visit Nanny. I had plans with a friend, but was kinda happy when it got cancelled.

I’ve spent two weeks relaxing and enjoying my alone time with Elvis and my alone time with me!  I’ve been writing again, after almost 2 years, and when I write I disappear. I’ve always preferred the fictitious worlds I chose to play in and apparently that fact hasn’t changed.

Disregarding my own friendships and social scale (I can hurt myself as much as I wish) am I harming Elvis by keeping him home alone with me twice a week?

Will I have the time to write and simply enjoy him when I’m back at work?

Will my new found mummy friends still be there?

To be completely honest, the mums I considered actual new, proper, turn to them in need, friends don’t go to my mummy-baby group anymore. To be honest, I no longer need the group – I don’t sit there begging for Monday to come along anymore, begging for part of that 1.5 hours to pee in private because someone else could amuse E or begging for some adult conversation.

Maybe because the voices in my head are conversing on their own.

I’ve been thinking about my return to work, graduating this first year of motherhood and I’m already wondering when, in all our busy schedules, these mummies I’ve met and myself will possibly meet up. We don’t all have the same days off. We’re all busy with daddies on weekends. It’s going to take a whole lot of effort, that how many people will drop? How many of these mummies will never have the time?

Am I leading the bunch by giving in first? Am I giving in? Or am I enjoying what little me-time I can find right now because in 15 weeks it’ll all change?

Should I be filling up my social calender for Elvis, myself be damned? Should I be filling it up for me and us? Or should I do what makes me happy right now?

There’s always the evenings to let all of these people out of my head, afterall!

~ P

One response to “Reconnecting With Myself

  1. Kelvin says:

    Feeling disconnected as If you have been plugged out of your own life.But I realize that its only I who can plug myself back,maybe with the help of others or all on my own.It all depends on what you decide.

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