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Baby Envy: The Next Chapter

After the bump envies. Who’s is bigger, smaller, more bump-like, more fat-like.

After the childbirth envies. Who’s was easiest, who managed to do it without drugs, who had the most/least complications.

After the newborn raising envies. Who needed to bedshare to survive, who found breastfeeding difficult and a struggle, who opted straight for formula.

After the baby in general envies. Who’s baby started sleeping through after three weeks, who’s baby hit all of their milestones early or bang on time, who’s baby was the first to say Mama.

Now comes, first birthday envies!

 

Strangely I never noticed it at Christmas, but I’m starting to wonder if the first birthday envies are more common than first Christmas envies. Is it now when everyone starts taking notes from other mummies’ parties, the presents bought and how the day is spent, to make their own child’s the best.

 

Does the envy ever end? Or do those that care anyway never stop, and those that never feel the green little fingers of envy, never even consider it? Is it all the same as when you were at school, those that cared a little too much what people thought, still do. Those that spent their time trying to make their own parties be the best, compared them constantly to those they attended before their own. Do those people that never compare, never consider other people in that way, have an easier, more relaxed life? Personally, I compare. I worry a lot that people judge me, that people consider and criticise how I do things. I spent months believing that bed-sharing was wrong and bad, that I was a failure for doing it and everyone was judging me on it. Until I discovered other mums doing it.

 

It was then that I realised that I bedshared to survive those first two months. I did what was best for me and my family. Elvis’ first birthday, his party, his presents, everything associated with it, will be better than anyone else’s because I’ll do what’s best and right for him and our family. Just as all of his baby friends will have the best birthdays. For them.

 

Who needs to be envious of everyone’s perfection?

~ P

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Baby’s First Picnic

Elvis and I have only been to the playpark a couple of times. He likes the swings, but he loves crawling and climbing, which he can’t do with all of the woodchip they have, so I have limited our visits. He just doesn’t enjoy sitting in his pushchair for long periods. Equally I don’t see the point in taking him to see animals at the parks, he would not be interested, not yet.

He doesn’t like watching and looking. Not yet.

But we went to the park today and had our first picnic!

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Swimming!

Whilst I hate, okay maybe a little bot strong of a word, how my local swimming pool keeps closing over weekends for galas, I love the fact that when this cancels one of Elvis’ swimming lessons they reimburse me with a free family swim.

I have until the end of July to drag my hubby with us for some fun. I’m wondering if I should do this before our holiday or after.

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Jealousy as Green as Any Monster

Today marks the second successful abandoning of Elvis at Nanny’s. This time it was so I could randomly go and visit a friend with her newborn. And by successful, I mean he napped! And he was still asleep when I got back.

As he lay upstairs sleeping, my mum, Nanny, said “And all you used to do was 20 minutes each day!” Yep, Nanny sounded rather jealous that I, apparently, refused to nap for her!

Clearly Elvis doesn’t just look like Daddy, he sleeps like him, too!

“And I had to sneak around so you couldn’t see me. Or hear me.”

Cue later on today when I’d taken E home and he was having his second nap, it was approaching tea time, his dinner was cooked, the bathroom cleaned and so I hoovered the upstairs, right up to his door. Did he wake up? Nope.

Again, just like his father who can sleep through anything, not me who wakes at the slightest breath from my hubby!

This kid is nothing like me. And, yeah, whilst Nanny might be jealous of my sleepy baby, I’m kind of jealous that my son is nothing like me at all.

~ P

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Jogging My Muscle Memory

Traditionally I’ve always been a cycler when it comes to exercise, where I would swim for fun and despised jogging and running with a passion.

Except for when I was 11 and a cross country runner for my school.

About 20 months ago I gave up jogging. Huh? Oh, yeah, about 22 months ago I took up jogging.

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Nanny’s and Napping

Today, I abandoned Elvis at Nanny’s for the morning. She’s looked after him before. She’s babysat him before. But she’s never had him when he’d need a nap. When she babysat, it was at our house where Elvis will happily sleep because he loves his cot!

The times I’ve tried to get him to nap at Nanny’s have been very hit and miss. And at Nanny’s he will scream and scream; at home he’s happy and playful if he’s not quite ready to sleep.

And I hate him screaming when I could just take him home and he’ll be happy.

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The Greener Grass

I have spent the past few days feeling conflicted and I think I’ve figured out why. I have wanted to desperately feel like me, to be just me in moments other than when I go swimming or shopping. I want to be more than just a mummy to Elvis and more than just a wife. I want to be a friend and a person.

And for this I feel guilty.

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Leaving Elvis

I often leave Elvis and don’t have a second thought. It’s always been with Daddy, never anyone else.

This is going to sound awful, but I trust strangers more than my family with him. Read the rest of this entry »

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My Fear of Graduating

It isn’t leaving Elvis with strangers at nursery. It isn’t having less time with Elvis. It isn’t trying to juggle work, home and motherhood.

I fear losing my social life. And by mine I actually mean ours – mine and Elvis’

There’ll be fewer toddler groups to go to because of timing. And then will he even want to go? It’ll be harder to match up days off with other mummies.

I fear becoming one amongst a group rather than of a pair. I fear losing the friends I already had and of losing the friends I’ve made.

I fear wanting different things out of those friendships and seeing someone differently to how they see me.

I fear losing more of myself than I’ve already lost over the past 4 years.

~ P

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5 Years Later

It’s a little late, but this year marked my 5th wedding anniversary. I posted about part of my honeymoon before and my second anniversary trip to Rome. I think I went somewhere for each anniversary – London for the first year, then Rome, for the 3rd nothing! The 4th I was pretty heavily pregnant. And then the 5th, we re-visited an element of our wedding day.

I got the idea from pinterest.

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