Persephone: Parent

A fine site

Daddies Don’t Exist

on August 4, 2014

I remember a few months ago, probably quite a while ago actually, getting really annoyed with a bunch of mums in a forum who were discussing co-sleeping and their partners. The first Mumma had said that their OH wasn’t happy with her co-sleeping anymore – he wanted back in the bed or to be back with her. I have no idea of the child’s age. The general advice to her: do what’s best for you and your child, it isn’t up to him.

In principle I agree. If there’s something I feel strongly about, hubby loses the argument. But I do not just disregard his opinion, which is what these Mummies were telling her to do. No. If a father thinks his relationship is suffering to the point where it could be irredeemably broken, should a mum still do what she, and she alone, thinks is best for their child? Hate to break this to anyone, but 18 years after you birth your child they’re likely to leave home, leaving you alone with the husband who, well, if you ignored his opinion, won’t even be there.

I am in no way saying to always pick your OH over your child, but in no way should it always be the latter. Surely, as parents, you will need to provide a united front against your offspring at some point. Or at least provide a calm and stable home? Would you, as the mummy, be calm and stable in a home where your opinion didn’t matter? So why should your hubby be?

It’s all about being fair, compromising and a little bit of give and take. Why does the title mum mean you’re better than dad? Does being the one who carried your child, being the one who physically grew your child for 9ish months really make you better than the one who went through it all by your side, who is just as much a parent as you?

It’s all been brought up in me, gow forums and apparently some families disregard the man, by the silly meme on facebook regarding he statement “We’re pregnant”. I took the meaning wrong to begin with and found it very anti-men, which I guess the statement maybe should be. I read it with all the comments of the hardships the pregnant woman goes through and how the non-pregnant man goes through none of it. I read it with a burning anger at, once again, the man means nothing.

But then I thought, who says “We’re pregnant!” Ummm, wouldn’t it be “We’re having a baby!”? Which if you want to argue, again, that the man means nothing, rewind a year to where my OH took to being a father far quicker and far better than I, the woman who endured 9 months of pregnancy when he didn’t, kinda suffered through a labour that never really happened when he didn’t.

Because, maybe, no, physically a couple are nor pregnant, but emotionally? And, maybe, again, physically only the woman is having a baby, but she isn’t.

And before anyone declares that it’s because a guy can walk away at any point, so can the girl. Just as easily. I know two families where the mum walked out. One on a newborn.

So, yes, Daddies do matter, but if a mummy decides to ignore their opinion and treat them as a second class citizen in their family, maybe it’ll come back to bite them in the arse one day.

~ P

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