Persephone: Parent

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No Man’s Land. Again.

on August 17, 2014

I think it’s mentioned in the About me section on here, the metaphor of War and getting pregnant, staying pregnant and then becoming a mum. I use them as categories on here, too.

There’s:

  • The Trenches – this is where you’re trying to conceive. With Elvis this was three years of Hell, just trying to get out of there, watching as literally everyone I knew made their way out of the trenches as I suffered on.
  • No Man’s Land – the dangerous time where you have managed to make it over the top, you’re pregnant, and you have to get to The Other Side, that elusive title of Parent. Except it is far from easy. For some people it can be 9 months of constant vomiting, pelvic pain so bad it can be difficult to walk or back pain that leaves you bed-ridden. Then, of course, the daily fear that you might not make it to The Other Side. Something could go wrong, at any point.
  • The Waiting Game – some people don’t get this. There might not be any fight whatsoever to make it in to the enemy camp. For some people labour comes early, labour passes by with a click of their fingers and barely any pain. For others, they have to wait and wait and wait (Elvis!), some have to have surgery, some have to have a chemical induction. Just because you made it 42 weeks does not mean that it’s all plain sailing yet.
  • The Other Side – Yay! You made it! You got through the Trenches, with suffering or not, you made it over No Man’s Land, with scares or not, you maybe played the Waiting Game and you’re finally there – you’re a parent.

Now, originally The Other Side was a nice happy place in my metaphor – you made it, you’re a parent. Yes, there are difficulties, but you made it there and you’ll make it through the parenting hardships eventually. But in the past year or so, I have realised how The Other Side is actually quite fitting. In War, you make it across No Man’s Land into enemy territory and then you have to keep fighting the enemy, and, do you know what? Parenting is the same. On The Other Side, you have to fight the other parents, because they know best, they think you’re wrong and they happily tell you so. There are some friendly faces who fight alongside you, but there are far more others putting you down at any moment.

This post isn’t about that. This post is about the simple fact that, somehow, I have made it onto No Man’s Land again. WTF? I never thought I’d get there so easily. I mean, I was never officially in the Trenches this time. It just happened. And I never imagined it could. I hoped, deep down, but I never let myself really think about it. So whereas with Elvis, the Trenches were 3 years of Hell, with Robin, it was about 6 months and it wasn’t even trying. So far, being in No Man’s Land is slightly easier. There has been far less nausea and vomiting, although the pelvic pain pretty much developed straight away this time and I do worry that it could get a lot worse. I started showing far earlier and I feel “fat” because it isn’t a clear, hard bump yet.

I want to complain that I went from maternity bra to nursing bra and straight back into maternity bra, but I don’t want to sound ungrateful. Far from it. I’m in no way pleased that I’m still in a non-wired bra, but it’s something I can easily cope with!

It’s odd, so many times I’ve questioned the world how the hell people get pregnant, even after I had Elvis, I’ve still questioned it. Now I know. And I still get pretty freaked about raising 2 children only about 20 months apart!

I still can’t quite believe it!

~ P

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