Persephone: Parent

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Goodbye To You

on September 18, 2014

Honestly, in the past year or even more, I have been such a push over. I have let people judge me, my friends and my family and never said a thing. Simply stewing in my resentment in private. And when I have ever said anything, it has been dismissed as if what I think, what I feel does not matter.

Do you know what actually angers and upsets me most about all of this though? It isn’t that I let it all happen to me, it isn’t that my family and friends have so little regard for me that they treat me like nothing, no, it’s that I can already see it all happening to my son.

And I refuse to allow that to happen.

I no longer care if I’m being inflexible because I can’t plan a time to meet you due to Elvis’ naps.

I no longer care if my decision to clean my house annoys you or you think it means I’d rather be cleaning than seeing you. Maybe that’s true. Or maybe I’m doing it when Elvis is napping. Or maybe I’m doing it because doing that helps my sanity far more than seeing you does! DO not question if I am letting my social life suffer — it is mine afterall. And do not even begin to question if I am letting my son’s!

I no longer care what people plan to do when they come and visit, because unless they’re staying with me, they aren’t visiting me. And if your plans do not fit with mine then see you on your next visit! Oh, you have a baby now? Tough luck, when did you adjust for me and Elvis?

I no longer care that you raise your eyebrows at the mention of baby-led weaning – yes, things have moved on in the 25 years since you had a child. I no longer care what your views are on bed-sharing or that my children survived. Yes, you bed shared with duvets and your child didn’t suffocate. Yes, you let your babies sleep on their front. Yes, you formula fed, began weaning at a few weeks old, etc, etc, and, yes, your child survived. Does this make you the Queen of all Mothers? No, it made you lucky and a damn fossil now.

Oh, and as for questioning how long I planned and am now planning again to breastfeed for, I don’t care.

I am no longer altering my plans, routine or wants to attend family meals at the time that suits you best, at the restaurant that you prefer, to sleep on an airbed or crammed into a tiny bedroom, to affect my son’s napping so extremely to follow your plans because mine aren’t what you want to do. I will make no adjustments to suit you, your parents, your children because I no longer care.

In return for me not attending your family meals at the best time for you, I will not welcome you at my family meals. In return for me not attending your weddings, baby showers, birthdays etc, I will not welcome you at any of mine. People do not change just because you tell them they’re doing wrong, so I don’t expect them to. Instead I remove myself from those circumstances. I had an insensitive fertile friend before my last pregnancy. I removed her from my life at a few months pregnant because she was never going to change.

So, no, I won’t have a temper tantrum, I won’t kick and scream because I can’t process my thoughts and feelings, afterall I am not a toddler who has no other recourse.

Nope, instead, I’ll say goodbye.

~ P

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