Persephone: Parent

A fine site

Possessive Boy

on November 26, 2014

At first I thought that my son, who has only just developed the ability/desire to hug and kiss people, was having a spot of separation anxiety, but I think it’s actually some sort of possessive streak. Initially it was crying when I took him to nursery alone – perhaps he thought we were off out somewhere fun together before I abandoned him there! Then it was crying if I didn’t get in the car with Daddy to take him to nursery – am I not allowed a day off? I started to wonder if it was simply OCD and breaking his routine, but he seems fine when I’m genuinely not around. Oh, and then there were the tears when Daddy drove away with Nanny – how dare Daddy leave!

Then I noticed that I was allowed to play with his toys, Daddy wasn’t unless it was bedtime and then Daddy could join in. I still thought it was a separation thing and preferring mummy to daddy. When he was upset, Elvis currently prefers me to Daddy. If we’re both there that is! I am slightly worried if there is an element of Mummy-love because Robin isn’t far off!

Until I then realised it isn’t Mummy-love, it isn’t breaking a routine, it isn’t even being separated from me. Nope, it’s Elvis deciding everything is his!

Literally. Everything is either his or mine. I can’t quite tell. I tried to hand some paperwork over to the estate agents selling our old house – Elvis started screaming, full on proper tears crying because someone was taking something from me.

I tried to pass Nanny her mail, mail Elvis had seen Nanny with, and he started screaming, tears and everything, because it wasn’t Nanny’s it was mine!

He passes me toys when Daddy’s trying to play trains with him, I pass the toys to Daddy, Elvis screams snatches them back and hands them to me (now, this one I understand as him trying to say “But, Mummy, I want to play with you, not him”). But it even includes Daddy moving toys or books on the sofa that Elvis has put there. Mummy can move them, Daddy can’t!

At nursery, I forgot to hand in the book they write in each day so passed it over when I went to collect him. Now, Elvis knows me and the nursery workers incredibly well, but, nope, she wasn’t allowed to take something from Mummy. Even as I picked him up and tried to reassure him that she was going to pass it back, he continued crying. But then, once I had the book back, I asked him to pass the toy car to her (rather than him steal from the nursery) and he did without hesitation. In fact, that nursery worker remarked that he has absolutely no problem sharing with other children.

Is it just Mummy? Is it just when Mummy’s there? Is it just my things?

Except apparently it happened at nursery when Daddy tried to hand over a new pack of nappies. Elvis freaked. Again. I really kind of don’t get it, but I do keep thinking that rather than being jealous of his new sibling, when the baby comes along Elvis may instead refuse to let anyone but me near Robin. Hopefully he can get over this phase by then, or get a shock when I keep happily passing bubba to Daddy!

Anyone else have a possessive child? Anyone able to tell me that this is just a phase? Please!

~ P

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