Persephone: Parent

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My 4th Trimester

I remember reading about the 4th trimester last time, how babies should gestate for longer, how they can still be incredibly dependent on Mumma because of this. Aren’t we like the only mammal (animal in general?) whose offspring have no defensive capability at all at birth and for up to 3 months? I mean, a newborn generally can’t even roll. With Elvis, he solely slept on/next to me for two months (or in the pushchair if we’d been out) and then I decided it was enough, he had to use his Moses basket.

I needed the space physically and I felt he was ready for that space. He took to the new sleeping arrangements within a week.

As for being less dependent on me in general (just enough to pee in private, maybe cook dinner or do some cleaning), I think by 4 months we had a routine. It was flexible when it needed to be, adaptable when he needed it ro be, but it was there. Things then get skewed in my memory because at 5 months old, hubby/daddy took 3 months off work to look for a new, family friendlier job.

It was an amazing 3 months for daddy and Elvis, but it did give me an easy ride when it came to parenting.

However, using those time periods, with Robin I am giving myself a 4th trimester. For the 4th trimester, I will not care about cleaning the house. I will ensure that Robin is always fed. 5 nights a week I will make sure that Elvis has dinner. For the 4th trimester,  I will not care about breakfasts and lunches for Elvis or Daddy. I will try and put the washing on. I might remember to dry the clothes. I will not care about putting any clothes away.

I might do the washing up. I might not care at all. I will not care if people visit and consider the toilet filthy or despair at my underwear hanging up everywhere drying. If they have an issue with dirty socks strewn across the room, they can pick them up. Last time, I desperately wanted a 2-4 week Babymoon with no visitors. Within 2 days, I had family on my doorstep. Within 2 weeks I had family pressuring me into visiting due to an extended holiday they had planned. I felt put upon and like I had to be a hostess when all I wanted to do was sleep and learn about my baby. This time I will not buckle, I will not cave. If I want to see people, I will at times I want to see them. Because at any point that both of my children happen to be asleep, so might I be. If one is awake as the other sleeps, well, that will be my quality time with them.

This is all my solemn vow to not stress during those first three months. To not care! Those three months will be about me and hubby getting to know our baby, will be about the greatest adaptation our family will ever go through. Elvis’ toys do not need to be tidied (although he does it quite while in the right mood). Beds do not need to be made. Curtains do not need to be opened. We all merely need food, clean plates, clean clothes and a clean bath in which to keep ourselves clean. End of.

~ P

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Craft Corner: Wardrobe Dividers

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I got this idea from soooo many different pins on pinterest but decided on my own tools to make my own. I’d seen these clothes dividers way before I got pregnant with Robin and often thought that, although they look lovely, what would the point be?

I mean there are so many clothes in each range and so much washing to do, do people really hang up all of their baby clothes or use a drawer (I found drawers far more use and far less time consuming than hanging everything up). And then don’t the clothes for just one age range take up an entire wardrobe?

I guess if you’re given loads before you have Bubba, you might have need for it, but we simply didn’t have the space with Elvis. By the time he stared wearing proper outfits during the day, we ended up never putting him in half of them because we didn’t have them hung up! I’m quite pleased we have wardrobes for Robin!

Anyway, wardrobe dividers suddenly became useful because I suddenly have a need to hang up little clothes that I won’t continue to, but needed to sort. I’d sorted and separated all of Elvis’ clothes ages ago by age and gender (boys separated from gender neutral) for selling/passing on to family members, but then I got pregnant with Robin.

And I wanted to hang up all of the neutral clothes from newborn to at least 6 months so I knew what I had. I also hung up the newborn boys as we still don’t know the gender of Robin.

From pinterest I found lots of ways to make these dividers, but I thought they were all quite complicated. I simply found 2 circular objects of different sizes. Both have to be bigger than the clothes hanging pole, but not too big to not fit with the top of the wardrobe. Some pins recommended a CD type size and I found a large coffee cup that fit the bill. A small spice jar was ideal for the inner circle.

Using some thin cardboard (cereal packets) I drew around the coffee cup as many times as I needed, then the spice bottle inside the larger circle. Using scissors I drew around the larger circle and then into the lower circle and cut around the smaller. You need to cut through the large circle for it to hook on the wardrobe pole.

Using a plain, simple glue stick (I’m not looking at super longevity for these) I stuck the ring onto the patterned paper – I chose some Leeds United wrapping paper as Hubby would like it. And then cut around it all with a craft knife, including the inner circle. Then I repeated it for the other side. Cutting through into the inner circle each time, too.

Using some random cardboard sticky numbers I found, I labelled up the dividers. NB for newborn and then 3, 6, 9 etc. I didn’t have enough to label 0-3, 3-6 so just did the end of each size. Then I hung up all the baby clothes!
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A very nice simple craft to make (because I’m really not that crafty, I just like to try!)

~ P

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Photo Challenge: Childhood Memory

I have a few pins on my pinterest board “Photography”, but I decided to use the most recently pinned one. The original blog is from here: Little Bennet.

Now, I’ve decided that I’m going to do this one. I. am. going. to. do. it! It’s part of my trying to organise my blogging regime, I have sorted out and scheduled poetry posts on my original blog (Persephone’s Posts) and I am planning two blogs a week on here, not including any for this new photo challenge. Now, I know that there is no way that I can do it in 30 days. That’s just impossible, so instead I will try and do it within 30 weeks, but also with a maximum of two photos per week.

Here is the original list from Little Bennet:

  1. Self Portrait
  2. What you wore
  3. Clouds
  4. Something Green
  5. After Dark
  6. Obsession
  7. Changes to Come
  8. Routine
  9. Someone you Love
  10. Childhood Memory
  11. Something Blue
  12. Sunset
  13. Cannot Live Without
  14. Eyes
  15. Silhouette
  16. Faceless Self Portrait
  17. A Good Habit
  18. Technology
  19. Your Shoes
  20. Something You Want
  21. In My Bag
  22. Inspirational
  23. Patterns
  24. Animal
  25. Strangers
  26. Close-Up
  27. Celebration
  28. Flowers
  29. Black And White
  30. Self Portrait

Not my childhood memory, but hopefully something that will become a routine and a childhood memory for Elvis in the years to come – Keydells Winter Wonderland.
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Elvis loves all transportation (what a boy!) especially copters which apparently include aeroplanes! And to add your in, a tree decoration that is one of my childhood memories –
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~ P

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Adaptation

Just a quick, non-scheduled, blog entry. I’m 39 weeks today by hospital scans and for the past few weeks I have been telling Elvis that there’s a baby in my tummy, that certain things are the baby’s. For the past week, my Braxton Hicks have also changed. Where they were just tightenings, a hardening of all my tummy, a pause in my concentration and a rapid heat come over me, they don’t feel quite like that anymore.

Elvis has now started to point to things and say baby whilst signing it. Within a few days of me consciously introducing the concept. I’m not sure if the room manager at his nursery being pregnant has encouraged his knowledge or the staff there in general have been helping him understand or perhaps the younger children he sometimes shares a room with.

Or he has magically adapted!

(Oh, and, yes, he’s started talking! He loves saying Batman, Santa, Da and Nana. I don’t need a name!)

It amazes me that he seems to have some understanding of the baby and gives me hope that I’ll make the right decisions with regards to Elvis visiting me in the hospital.

As for my Braxtons, well, the changes could be anything. I firmly believe that Braxtons at any point are not wasted, they should not be viewed as abnoying or time wasting. They are your body preparing. I also believe that, even though I have never laboured, my muscles are still weakened, practiced so I’m likely to feel things more this time no matter what the changes to my Braxtons are.

There’s an elemeny of uncomfortableness with them now. Starting in the middle of my tummy and the actual tightening is barely realised by me anymore. I get a few back cramps at different times, but winder if that’s more Robin’s positioning. I keep getting scared that it’s actually going to happen. I keep getting scared that it won’t. My mind has no idea what it wants my body to do or not to do.

I’m still scared of having a newborn. About feeling like a parental failure again when I become a sleep deprived mess.

My bags are packed and aside from getting new cot sheets, I’m ready for Robin. Except I feel far from actually ready.

I have no idea if I want Elvis to visit me in the hospital. I fear making the wrong decision.

~ Pxx

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Craft Corner: First Birthday Card

I don’t really like birthday cards. I feel like they’re a waste of money and normally just get thrown in the bin, so for Elvis’ first birthday I decided to make, I guess a signing book instead. We did still receive some birthday cards (people who couldn’t make his party), but I tried to even send on the “guest” pages to family to send back! All I needed for this was:

  • a pinboard
  • sparkly/holographic card
  • scissors
  • wool
  • pins
  • blue paint and blue glitter paint
  • a star shape
  • pens

Read the rest of this entry »

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Blind Faith, Arrogance and Naiveté

That’s how I feel I went into my first labour. I had a complete and utter faith in my body, where it came from, I have no idea as my body had failed for the three years leading up to then. My body would know what to do. I would know what to do.

I was arrogant in that belief and so completely naive. Maybe my body and I would have known what to do if we had come to labour naturally. But we did not. My body was not ready. Elvis was not ready. The only things ready were the hospital and me mentally.

I wanted Elvis out. I had reached the hospital’s routine end point (I had no idea I could protest/fight – naive – plus I was over waiting!). And I was arrogant to believe that just because the hospital and my head said it’s time meant that it was.

I wouldn’t change my son. There are elements of his birth that I… regret? I probably wouldn’t delay the induction if I had my time over – I was ready and hugely uncomfortable. I might have wanted 5 minutes after having the epidural to actually consider the C-section rather than demanding one in a drugged up phase just because I heard the word. I might have refused continuous monitoring due to the pain I was in, if I knew I could.

I had blind faith in the health professionals that they knew and were doing what was best. The same people who gave me no option but to lie in pain because they had to continuously monitor my son. Did it have to be continuous? Could we have tried to find a better position for us both? They were willing to let me come off the monitors to wee, but not for a 5 minute rest? I had trust in them that when they said I had to be induced, I figured my community midwife had got it wrong. I had a naive belief that they cared even though despite me verbally declaring my unborn son wasn’t supposed to exist, despite ny notes on night 2 declaring “Baby fine, mother distressed” nothing was said to me until my 4 week health visitor check concerning me.

This time I have far less trust and faith in myself or them. I have done my research so anything I believe cannot be naive. I am not going into this one blindly, naively.

I’m going into it paranoid, jaded and cynical.

~ P

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Welcome to the New Year

For the past few months, I have been trying to not overload this poor little blog with posts every single day, or 3 days in a row with a few weeks off, so that there could be more continuity about the site, hopefully this hasn’t been too noticeable. I’ve also tried to keep posts to every 3 days, but medical appointments and other random “I must blog now” topics might change that at times.

However, as of January 1st I will be about 38 weeks pregnant and the scheduled posts are going to change. Similar to my original blog which has a poetry post a week, this blog is going to have a few months (maybe planning for 8-12 weeks) with 2 planned posts a week. These posts are likely ones that I have already written in December or even earlier! I’m trying to keep some crafty posts, maybe a lot of my Christmas crafts and maybe some parenting ones. This is simply so that, if I go quiet (the opposite to when Elvis was born), the blog still continues.

If things are similar to when Elvis was born, along with those 2 planned blogs will also be random, middle of the night, woe-is-me, how can I parent two children at the same time, posts. I cannot predict that right now.

So, if you as a reader comment on a blog and I don’t respond for a while, it could be that I’m having a baby or am far too tired with a new baby to be present on here even though posts continue to be made. I am not ignoring you. I am not purposefully misleading you. I might be more active than normal!

Hopefully, normal blogging will resume at some point soon, but in this lovely New Year for definite.

Happy New Year and Happy New Baby Days,

~ P x

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2015: Fifteen Things to Look Forward To

1. Due in the middle of January, Robin’s birth!

2. A second for January, I look forward to at least going into labour naturally (hopefully) and maybe have a VBAC

3. I look forward to celebrating 6 years of marriage with TWO children. Something I never dreamed possible

4. Watching all the milestones that I watched Elvis have and maybe stressing a bit less second time around

5. Having a whole calender year off from work. 2015 will be the year of no job

6. Celebrating Elvis’ second birthday where he should understand it so much more

7. Maybe attempt a family holiday with a 2 year old and under 6 month old. I don’t think we’ll attempt going abroad!

8. Celebrating my 33rd birthday with two children. I may be a broken record, but I never thought it would be possible!

9. Watching all of Elvis’ milestones that haven’t even occured to me. Perhaps he’ll get the rest of his teeth? Or wean himself from his dummy? Or start speaking in sentences!

10. I’m looking forward to attending baby groups again, to socialising with mummies and possibly changing Elvis’ nursery hours to watch him socialise

11. I’m also looking forward to, in the latter half of the year, having the odd occasional time to myself. Perhaps a day away. A date with hubby. Or a girlie night out.

12. I’m really excited by January and new Revenge, The 100, Flash, Arrow and finally getting Supernatural season 9!

13. This is a hesitant one, but I am looking forward to potentially getting me to another Convention. Maybe October as July is probably too big a push

14. I’m really excited and scared to see Elvis adapt to his sibling. To watch them play and grow together. To be physically able myself to be a fun parent who can run around after both of them!

15. A Christmas with two kiddies – one almost a year and one 2.5 who will totally get it by then. And then another New Year!

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