This blog is not what it was. When Elvis was newborn, when I was struggling so hard in the early months, I blogged and tweeted all of the time to try and cope with it. I don’t know what this blog is anymore, but it isn’t that.
I’m struggling.
The past 4 nights, Baby Robin has cried, screamed from 7-9. She cried everytime she’s tired and needs to go to sleep. She won’t take a dummy. She won’t nurse to sleep. She screams when I rock her. She screams when I put her in the pushchair for sleep. This screaming for sleep is all the time. All. The. Time. But after 7pm it’s Hell.
The past 4 nights, from 7-9 I’ve pretty much cried constantly.
I can’t handle it anymore.
She only sleeps on me during the day. She wakes as soon as she’s put down. She has no routine. She needs to nap at tea time when I’m trying to feed Elvis and SHE ONLY NAPS ON A PARENT!
I spend my day trying to get her to sleep and SHE SCREAMS.
It’s too draining now.
It all feels so hard when I know things are better, easier than they were. It feels so hard to me.
How do I get her to sleep that final nap when I have Elvis?
How do I get her to sleep for long enough independently?
How do I get her into a routine when Elvis already has one and she wants something different?
How can I do what she needs when it contradicts what Elvis needs?
Every time she’s screaming I feel like everyone nearby is wondering what I’m doing wrong. If I’m home alone, I think my neighbours are thinking I’m rubbish. That I’m a bad mother.
Why can’t I stop her screaming? I’m her mother and I should be able to.
How the fuck do I stop crying?
~ P