Persephone: Parent

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Possessive Boy

At first I thought that my son, who has only just developed the ability/desire to hug and kiss people, was having a spot of separation anxiety, but I think it’s actually some sort of possessive streak. Initially it was crying when I took him to nursery alone – perhaps he thought we were off out somewhere fun together before I abandoned him there! Then it was crying if I didn’t get in the car with Daddy to take him to nursery – am I not allowed a day off? I started to wonder if it was simply OCD and breaking his routine, but he seems fine when I’m genuinely not around. Oh, and then there were the tears when Daddy drove away with Nanny – how dare Daddy leave!

Then I noticed that I was allowed to play with his toys, Daddy wasn’t unless it was bedtime and then Daddy could join in. I still thought it was a separation thing and preferring mummy to daddy. When he was upset, Elvis currently prefers me to Daddy. If we’re both there that is! I am slightly worried if there is an element of Mummy-love because Robin isn’t far off!

Until I then realised it isn’t Mummy-love, it isn’t breaking a routine, it isn’t even being separated from me. Nope, it’s Elvis deciding everything is his!

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Can I give up Now?

For anyone’s information, this entire blog is now censored and amended to no longer be accurate to my thoughts and feelings for the sake of everyone else in the world as I am not deemed important enough to have feelings. So feel free to simply laugh at the post below.

The pains and aches are too much. It hurts to walk, not my pelvis anymore, my lower back. And my upper back aches when I try and relax my lower back. My bump has just got harder, like, overnight and it’s uncomfortable to lean forward. I’m tired all the time. 15 months ago, I was yearning for a time that Elvis would have an actual bedtime and when I would get a bit of time after he was asleep before I would go to bed. Now? Now, I would happily go to bed before him.

I can’t get a straight answer out of my bosses about my annual leave and I’m really worried that I’m going to lose a whole load of leave or be refused it. Meanwhile I’m trying to cling on until Christmas holidays. I’m beginning to doubt myself and the ability to last that long. I’ve already brought forward my help me date — I can’t deal with the 80 minutes of solid walking and hubby is happy to take his lunch ferrying Elvis and I around. I was hoping to not take advantage of his lunch hour, but now am hoping to at least the end of November before giving up.

Meanwhile, after a few pay cock-ups and a house move, money has become tight. We’re still paying the mortgage and bills at an old address, but no bills at the new house yet. We need to finish and sell the old house. I need that mortgage money to pay the nursery — especially with my impending maternity pay. I have never felt money be this tight and at least last time I had savings to help me out. Until we sell our old house, I do not have that financial security. But there’s nothing I can do to speed that up. I can’t shift the few boxes remaining. I can’t drive there and back, emptying the house. And I can’t paint the one damn wall that needs painting!

And I would really like all of these things sorted before Robin comes along (obviously the pain and feeling uncomfortable will).

I would really like to fast forward time!

~ P x

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Feeling Unloved

I don’t think it happened with Elvis, maybe because I wasn’t generally so damn uncomfortable,  but I feel kinda unloved. Because of the pelvis pain, I have to sleep in certain positions, which mean no hubby cuddles — I guess last time I could have hubby cuddles on the sofa. This time, I have to sit on a gym ball most of the evening so, again, no hubby cuddles. I’m not sure if he’s noticed. I’ve tried telling him, but I think I’ve been talking in girl code (you know, plain English that is never quite plain enough). I guess I need to spell it out clearly – cuddle me!

The other thing is, we’re both always with Elvis. Sure, we’re alone from 7pm as Elvis pretty much goes straight to sleep and doesn’t stir (except those little teething blips), but there’s no intimacy,  nothing special. We’re still trying to sort out the house after the move. We need a night out alone. Or a day out without Elvis. The only thing is, my mum’s the only babysitter local and she’s already looking after Elvis every Tuesday for over 4 hours whilst I work and then I keep roping her in to cover maternity appointments and I really don’t want to pester her with extra times. I’m sure that she wouldn’t begrudge it at all especially a daytime session.

My mum’s house still isn’t ready from her move so she has to look after Elvis at ours, which I think annoys her as when he naps she has nothing to do. Therefore she prefers watching him in the day as he, obviously, sleeps less. Saying that, she is watching him on a Saturday night soon so we can attend a wedding — although the verdict is still out as to where she is watching him and if it is over the whole night.

That’s my plan then, a daytime date. No toddler attached.

~ P

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Number Two/How?????

I read a blog by Mum of Boys, and, well, oops, I didn’t plan a second, but, here are my thoughts (my initial thoughts are – What? I won’t be welcome at under-1 groups? At all? Or at my mummy friends houses? How will playdates go for Elvis? How will they go for Robin? Holy, crap.)

  1. Apparently the second pregnancy will be harder, there’ll be no lazy cuppas with other pregnant mums-to-be and you’ll be covered in food, dressing more practically
  2. Being unwelcome at Mummy groups – or your toddler and “been there done that attitude” won’t be welcome
  3. More sleep in the hospital than in the few years leading up to then
  4. You will welcome visitors, simply to entertain the toddler
  5. You will be up and on your feet much quicker, if only to get the toddler out of the house!
  6. You will not sleep when the baby sleeps, you’ll be watching toddler TV
  7. No morning lie-ins after a night of feeding
  8. There will be no time for friends and a social life, even online
  9. You’ll “miss” the developments of the second as they appear from out of nowhere whilst your attention is on the older child
  10. You will not, even for one second, regret the decision to have number 2.

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Where’s My Boy Gone?

No, I don’t mean the cliché that every other parent around me says – the: “Where’s my baby gone?” Nope, and anyone who ever told me that “you’ll miss these baby days, the new-born phase and wonder at 1 where your baby went”, news for you – never wondered that.

Neither do I mean that I’ve literally lost him. Nope, I just want to know where the happy, independent, loves nursery boy has gone.

A few weeks ago, he complained if Daddy drove past the nursery looking for a parking space, as if Daddy wasn’t taking him there. A few weeks ago, he refused to be carried up the stairs at nursery, refused to be lifted over the safety gate by a nursery worker, wanting to walk himself and straight to the toys. And then they changed his playroom and he started crying at handover.

Well, now, apparently, he kicks off entering the nursery. Or approaching it in the car. I have to give him credit for recognising the place from the car outside on the street, but why does he suddenly apparently not want to be there? Because I saw him the other day as I went to collect him, I snuck in and peered around a door frame and there he was giggling away and playing. He’s never come home with strange marks (he gets more bruises at home than there!), always has a clean bum, never got a red bum, sometimes he’s clearly slathered in bum cream. He’s not even unhappy when he sees me, or relieved.

He has started throwing a strop before we leave the nursery, but it feels more like he’s trying to stay. So, he grabs at Daddy to not leave him, and then pushes away from me and slams gates closed to stay.

I honestly have no idea what his problem is, what has caused this or how to stop it.

Is it because they changed his room and he doesn’t like it?

Is it because soon after moving room, we moved home and he’s not sure where he stands anymore? He’s only been at nursery for three months, that’s 12 weeks of a lot of changes.

He was ill the other week (I thought teething, but no tooth arrived), is this a lasting effect? Is he still a bit ill?

Is it because we don’t have a safety gate upstairs so I don’t give him freedom and independence up there at the moment? Unless we’re in a rush, I allow Elvis to control where-ish he wants to go. After a nap, for example, if he wants to play upstairs, I do some tidying until he approaches the stair gate. Is he rebelling against that lack of freedom?

Will I ever know?

~ P

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Surprises

I’ve moved house. Yay?

Well, I absolutely ache all over. I am never moving house again. Never ever ever. Except if we ever decide to make the move out of town to get the garden. If hubby starts down a new road at work. Or if we win the lottery. Or if we have more than 3 children. When those things are satisfied, I’ll consider moving. But one thing I do promise is that I am never moving whilst pregnant ever again!

I last moved about 2 years ago. Pregnant with Elvis. Why didn’t I learn from that event?

All I really did was make sure that stuff was packed, unpacked a few bits and bobs. Oh, yeah and went on a mammoth walk because Elvis needed a nap and there was no bed ready for him (despite all of my planning, someone did not get my toddler’s room ready first). I ache. The only thing that hasn’t really hurt at some point over the past few days is actually my pelvis! So, nothing actually pregnancy related (on that note, I think I’ve ballooned over night and am clearly pregnant – bump is also harder now so less like a ball of fat!). It’s been quite stressful.

Do you know what kept me going through the worst moments? Through the arguments, the hang up phone calls, the pain and exreme tiredness? Elvis!

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Moving Home: Things To Worry About

Since I was about 4 months pregnant with Elvis, hubby and I have lived in a house that I only bought as an investment to rent out. I never really paid much attention to the pros and cons of whoever was going to live there. Wish I had when it ended up being us for almost 2 years. Earlier this year, I bought a new house for my mum so that she and I can do a house swap – she will downsize into a new house, I will upsize into her house (my childhood home) and then my current house will be sold (because sod the renting out thing again).

I wanted to compile a little list of the pros and cons of each house and immortalise why I will miss some features, and won’t miss others.

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Who’s a Big Boy Now?

It’s almost September, do you know what that means?

That means that my son, my little baby, my toddler with only 4 teeth and barely any hair whatsoever, my boy who has only been in nursery for two months is moving up a class!

His nursery (I’m not sure if it’s a standard practice), keep their toddlers in rooms based upon their school years after their first year. So, because he will be turning 2 in the upcoming school year (huh, 2? When did that number come in to play? He’s only 15 months old!) he gets to move up into their Big baby room.

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17 Weeks

I’ve seen the midwife for my most recent check, I’m just about 17 weeks (only 23 to go!) and everything’s all good. Baby Robin was really wriggly, just like at my 12 week scan. Elvis was never that wriggly in the tum. Hubby’s decided it means that Robin will be a girl. I’m not sure. This pregnancy and baby sure feel different. I’d always imagine that subsequent pregnancies can feel different though, and not necessarily just because it could be a different gender. I don’t know, maybe some women can tell the gender during their pregnancy. I don’t know. But I would always assume that a second pregnancy could feel different because, well, your body’s already done it once!

Hubby is almost 100% sure that Robin is a girl – I’m more emotional (sobbed my heart out at a comedy show), this bubba’s wriggly and the dating scan dated my due date a week later than what we thought. Elvis, whose conception was noted to the hour almost, the dating scan brought his due date a week early. Hubby’s decided that it means Elvis was big, he’s a boy, Robin is smaller so a girl. I don’t know. I am more emotional and this baby is not only more wriggly, but I’ve had the random pains that the midwife guestimates is Robin sitting on a nerve. Elvis never sat on my awkwardly, except when I was swimming and he’d settle on my bladder. I never had the odd pains, never had the immediate need to pee because he shifted. Robin moved the other night and for half an hour it pained me to lie on my side, either side, and I already don’t feel comfortable lying on my back. That wasn’t too good a night of sleep!

From the heart rate that the midwife took (when she eventually found the wriggle Robin), it’s 140. The Old Wives’ Legend says, I think, over 140 is a girl, under is a boy. Well, bang on probably doesn’t indicate a hermaphrodite! I hope. I’ve seen other people on their blogs compile a list of Old Wives’ tales and predicting each month regarding the gender and I might look into it.

As for my routine change with Elvis… Well, it isn’t necessarily going that well. But over a week later and I have come to the conclusion that we just have to be more flexible on an afternoon. If he naps early enough at nursery, he will sleep in the afternoon. If he naps too late at nursery, he might not sleep at all. As for me trying to shift his naps so he went to sleep easier at night, I don’t think it’ll work. And, as hubby says, even if he does stay awake for 2 hours in his cot after bedtime, he’s never unhappy about it. He didn’t nap at all the afternoon I saw the midwife, which does worry me regarding our impending move. How am I supposed to pack and then unpack if he won’t nap?

But then I’m also worrying about not having my Tivo all the time once we move so clearly I worry over silly things!

~ P

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Lonely Parenting

For the first 9 months, minus the first 2 maybe, my life was filled with baby groups and chatting with the other mummies, mummies whose babies are all the same age. But then, the 9 month mark hits and mummies have to start going back to work. I made it to Elvis’ 13 month birthday, but for those last 4 months, life became more lonely.
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