Persephone: Parent

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CBT Session Six – What The Future Holds #PND

And so I came to the end of my therapy sessions. I already miss it. It’s helped me so much. It’s changed me so much. I feel happier again. I like my daughter. I enjoy time with her. I enjoy things in general. And I don’t get half as anxious as I ever did. I still do, it isn’t completely gone, but I am better prepared to deal with the anxiety. I guess the question is, what happens if the anxiety or low mood start to affect me too much again?

That’s where the sixth session came in to play.

First of all there was a section on problem solving. I’ve never really considered trying to solve problems an issue. I guess though, sometimes I do get anxious over something and sit there trying to figure out a solution. Perhaps the steps involved with problem solving might be quite useful. The thing that I took from the problem solving was the final step – reviewing what happened. Did it work? And I was reminded about how I was stuck in a problem at a soft play a few weeks ago. Husband had left Elvis and I there alone as Robin got grumpy. So he drove home and left me with just the change bag. I asked him to take my phone and purse so that if anyone stole the bag all they got were toys and clean nappies. All was fine until Elvis bumped his head and was really badly crying. It might have been soft play, but he hit his head outside of the soft play on the hard floor. Well, he wanted to go in Daddy’s car. He didn’t want to walk home. My mind started whirring. Could I carry him home? Could I get him to my mum’s who lives very slightly closer? Would my mum be in? Should I ring Hubby? What if Robin was asleep, should I get to wake her? Wait, I don’t have my phone. I could ask another mum, a stranger. I don’t know Hubby’s number. I could ring my own phone? It’s on silent, he wouldn’t notice.

This was all going on in my head whilst I was getting his coat on and zipping it up. As it happens, once we walked outside I distracted him with a tree and he found Stickman and we talked about that the whole way home.

What I took from the problem solving was Review. If it had been a proper emergency, what would I have done? Sure, someone would have leant me their phone, but I don’t know hubby’s or the house number. I could ring my mum, I know her number, but she might not have been in. So, how to solve a problem before it could happen – write the emergency phone numbers and put it in the changing bag. Maybe even include a few coins of loose change to give to another mum as a gesture when they let me use their phone. It’s probably a really good idea even if the phone and wallet are in the bag, probably a bit more useful in an emergency should something happen to me when I’m alone with the children.

The rest of the session involved reviewing the previous 5 sessions, but in our handouts there were forms on how to cope with setbacks. I scanned all of the forms first! Haha, then I can change things later and adapt things should I need to without wasting my time making my own version. The first few were about identifying if we were green, amber or red with regards to our moods. What the signs are for each, where support is in any of the colours, how to work on getting back or staying in the green.

Then there was the review day sheet with a suggested review date of three months. These I definitely plan to use and have even written in my diary when the 3 month review is due, except I have a provisional earlier one for once I’m back at work as that could drastically alter things. The first page details what has happened since the last review, what’s gone well or not, what I’ve learnt and putting tools into practice. The second side is the 12 week goals, leading up to the next review. My goals have included:

  • Remain calm regarding returning to work, don’t ruminate on it
  • Build exercise into the new routine once back at work, use SMART goals to achieve a new routine
  • Continue the bath time and relaxing reading even when there is no exercise right before it – SMART goals to make sure I keep these elements
  • Make time for my personal social life and for increasing the social life of my children with SMART goals and prioritising. But realise that if Robin’s nap schedule means that afternoons are tricky that I have to think about how to do it to limit any anxiety about having an over tired baby
  • Spend quality time with the children, Husband as a family and as a couple by being assertive and using SMART goals
  • Accept any social aspect through work. I haven’t been to any since Robin was born as I did not feel comfortable leaving Robin before Christmas. I do know and I won’t let fear stop me.

I think, in a nutshell, it’s primarily about having a balance between work, life, mum, wife. It’s not all one and little of the others. I have to be mum. I have to work. That doesn’t mean that I can forget to be me, to be a partner and wife. They all need to co-exist. Sure there will be times when the balance is a bit skewed because it has to be. Robin’s naps might mean I need to limit social activities for Elvis. One of them being ill might mean that I need to alter work requirements or having my normal me time.

Some of it will be trying to pre-empt things that I know are going to make me anxious. Like the family holiday that we have planned in August and one set of the family that I really, truly would rather not see. It’s just going to be one day though and I’ll have had months to prepare, to use the tools. Or being trapped in the house with both kids when one or both are ill. Yes, I might feel trapped and bored, stuck and so, so tired, but it will pass. That one definitely needs the 5 area treatment! Maybe the in laws one, does too! I might need to interrogate the hot thought on both of those.

Here’s to the first review date!

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Operation…Yucky!

The lurgy has hit the household and I, once again, feel like I’m dying. It’s just a cold, maybe a mild flu (achey, hot sweats, cough, dizzy/feint spells), but I am always over the top dramatic. Lucky the lurgy hit after my day away at a convention in London. Technically it hit whilst I was away. Yep, the first time that Daddy had both children on his own all day long and they both slept, taking it in turns so he only ever really had one to deal with. Typical! It did result in me getting a message once I was on my way home –

Can you get a taxi from the station rather than walk? We have vomit.

Oh, dear. Elvis then slept all day Monday, too. Ahh, Monday, the day that was supposed to be our last day together for Robin and I. Elvis hijacked it. Tuesday, which was supposed to be the first of 9 super productive spring cleaning days ended up being me watching TV with Elvis (who was hyper and no longer sick, but we didn’t know that at half 7) whilst Robin had her first morning at nursery. Wednesday, which was supposed to be second super decluttering day became a 90% on it day as I started to feel the affects of the bug, but both kids were at the nursery and I got most of my to do list done.

So, today, Thursday, supposed to be day 3 of 9 of cleaning, decluttering, jogging, shopping, being me and being amazing… I slept in until 9am (Daddy did the whole breakfast and get to nursery on his own. He’s amazing), had a bath, ate cereal, watched The 100, bought cookies and cereal. Moved a box. Ate cookies. Tried to nap. Had lunch and lemsip. That was at 12 just before I headed off to pick up both kids. I started to feel better with that lemsip. I think I just needed that amazing rest. This illness has given me such a short fuse. Robin seems to have skipped it. Although this evening she kept crying for incredibly random reasons. She hit me in the face and I jokingly said “Ouch, be careful, no, that hurt.” No sternness in my voice at all, and with a smile. She burst into tears! Elvis has spent the week having what I guess people might call normal toddler temper tantrums, but they’ve been whiny.

“I don’t want to get up!” Whiny meltdown. “I want cinnamon squares.” Whiny meltdown. “I’m tired.” Whiny meltdown. “I don’t want to go bed.” Whiny meltdown. “I don’t want to watch TV.” Whiny meltdown. “I’m tired.”

Seriously, go the fuck to bed because I have an awful headache and want you to just stop fucking whining!

This week I have been far worse than shouty parent. I have been screaming parent. I have wanted to swear at my son. Because swearing tells the other person you mean business, right? I have come so close to wanting to hit him. Just. To. Shut. Him. Up. All because I was tired, drained and exhausted and my head hurt so much. But I went to bed for over 12 hours and spent Thursday morning doing absolutely nothing and I feel better. I feel no guilt because I wasn’t being lazy, I was being protective.

Yeah, I still haven’t done my first jog of 2016 (I had planned to jog on days 1 and 3), I still have a lot of things to do on my to do list, but my junk room is already looking more spacious, I still have clothes shopping to do for work (supposed to do on day 2), but I still have 6 days left.

Unless Robin gets ill. Let’s not go there.

Robin, who has taken to nursery like a pro. She’s even happy wearing her shoes now! Everyone keeps commenting on how good of a baby she is (yes, I kind of hate how a baby is judged by how well they sleep and what their temperament is like, but it is partly true, Robin goes to sleep easily, she is so laid back and easy going, she literally leans back on you and giggles looking up, if you aren’t there she simply bangs her head on the floor and laughs!) I guess in a nursery situation “good” babies are simply because they make the workers’ life a bit easier. Robin started crying in the garden, so she was taken up for a nap and was asleep in a minute. Because she rarely cries. She’s also not overly fussed to see me when I turn up. She’s incredibly content.

Oh, and despite his mood, Elvis came home from nursery this week with two sunflowers that he’d planted and a lovely Mother’s Day card with a tree handprint and pink finger print leaves (it’s Stickman’s family tree, apparently).

Before the lurgy hit, I had an amazing weekend. I did my weekly weigh in (forgot to post, but reached my first target! Whoop!), then I spent the day at the arcades and climbing castles with the family. Went on a date night with hubby and after a lovely meal, snuck in a cinema trip and watched Deadpool (weird, not quite my taste, but hilarious). Sunday I spent in London and met 5 actors from TV and film. I finally met Greg Grunberg and Miltos Yerelomou! I’ve waited years! I’m not sure I’ll do a weigh in this week as I still feel a bit rough and, quite frankly, I have a good reason for slacking. It’s not being lazy or indulgent, it’s trying to recover and resting. I guess I’ll count myself lucky that this thing hit once both were in nursery even if it only gave me a few hours a day rest!

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A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms

I’ve finished another book! My first paper book since I finished a re-read of Clash of Kings somewhere during the past three years. I’m really impressed that I seem to actually be keeping up with reading. And enjoying reading again! My last few books have been easy reading. A few Hester Browne novels and the 3 100 books (which, by the way, is now really confusing me when trying to watch season 3), but I decided that I needed to up my game, I needed to jump back in to Westeros and I needed to read my Christmas present! And it took me less than a month, I think.

Not that I know how long it used to take me to read a book, but Knight of the Seven Kingdoms looks really big what with my copy being hardback and all. I have to admit, it took a while to get in to. Possibly because I’m not used to reading something like Knight or because it wasn’t quite the Westeros that I am used to, or simply because it was a new book. Just because I’ve read and enjoyed others set in the same universe does not mean I should get suckered straight in to something new. So, Knight of the Seven Kingdoms contains 3 of the Dunk and Egg short stories. The first is the set up and it was the hardest for me to get in to. It was probably the one I liked the least. Maybe it’s just my simple brain, but I spent half of it recognising names but realising that the Baratheon mentioned is none of the Baratheons that I know. Then I wanted to Wiki/google to figure out who each was connected to ancestrally. I’m always rubbish at remembering who’s liege lord is who, who is sworn to who, etc. I reckon I only know so much as I do about the ASOIAF novels because I’ve extensively read about them online. In retrospect, Knight of the Seven Kingdoms probably was not as “complicated” as ASOIAF, but I didn’t have as much background and I don’t think that was what I really wanted to read. Not right now.

I think that’s why the middle short story was my favourite, The Sworn Sword. It was simpler. It did talk about the Blackfyre rebellion and the allegiances during the war (which obviously aren’t a huge point in ASOIAF, so new to me), but on a very small scale as the story revolved around an incredibly small village almost and it’s immediate vicinity. I also loved it when we met the Red Widow and, yeah, just fell in love with her I think. The illustrations helped with that, too. I got an Arya/Ygritte vibe from her and loved the chemistry with Dunk. On to the third and final, The Mystery Knight, and, again, there were a few too many names and cover stories for my little brain to keep up with, but I did love the Bloodraven action. I was also glad that Egg was in the 3rd one less as I just have not warmed to him at all. Maybe part of my problem is visualisation – I watched Game of Thrones season 1 before reading all of the novels so I could see all of the main characters. Despite the illustrations, Dunk and Egg requires me to use my imagination. Maybe it’s the hours I spend alone with a baby who simply wants to chew everything she can pick up, or discussing Octonauts with my toddler who is Kwazzi (I’m Peso, btw), but I seem to be lacking in imagination.

I would also say that Knight of the Seven Kingdoms is not the novel to introduce someone in to the world of Westeros, in my opinion only. Because of all of the characters that are thrown at the reader. Then again, maybe I’m remembering Game of Thrones wrong!

On to my next book, another paper book as during my book decluttering I found an easy novel that simply screamed Read me! So whilst I have boxed up a huge pile of all the random novels I think sound quirky and buy from charity shops but still have not read yet, I kept one. Just one.

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Operation: Yummy Mummy – A Gain!

Oh, dear. I knew it was going to happen. I completely blame Valentines day and chocolates. And profiteroles. And wine. And the Danish pastry I bought Monday. And the chocolates it took me a whole week to finish!

Never mind, though, learn from the mistakes, move on and do better.

This week I’m starting afresh. Next week Robin starts nursery and I need to do my clothes shopping for work. In my dreams, I’d be at my perfect size, but I haven’t consistently tried to get there. It does upset me a bit, but I just never stuck with it so it was never going to happen. I don’t really want to go out and buy an entire work wardobe next week if I am still able to lose weight but it is the best opportunity to do some good shopping alone without a tight window to get home to the kids. And, yeah, I am gutted that I was 0.3 away from my initial goal, now 0.9kg.  It’s just the eating that gets me because I’ve still been doing aerobics on the Xbox 3 times a week. I’m going to incorporate jogging into my routine when I’m back at work. Who knows when I’m back at work, walking 25 minutes there, jogging 20-30 minutes home and then doing the nursery run, being far more active in my job than I am being a mum and then hopefully filling my afternoon with family fun will increase my metabolism and prevent my snacking.

Maybe it’ll all start dropping off me. I can hope!

I’ve been super busy this weekend though. Hubby and I sold at our first ever Little Pickles market. I was worried we wouldn’t even sell the table fee, but we did. We came back with most of the clothes we took, but did get rid of loads of the bulky baby things. When we got home I tidied away everything we brought back, all in boxes and now there’s room for me to start sorting the back “junk” room. We made money too! I was worried we’d sell nothing and not even the cost of the table price, but we did! Definitely going to do another one and most of the stuff is already boxed and sorted! 😄

I don’t think I’ve done anything else super productive on the yummy operation this week. Everything was a bit on hold whilst I sorted the Little Pickles Market stuff and I think I even did rubbishly with playdates! Oh, dear. My house is feeling nicer with all the stuff to sell tidied away and I can’t wait to start on the junk room. Even just to tidy it slightly. I need it at least child friendly so the kids can play out in the garden. Oh, yeah, we finally got Robin her first pair of shoes so we can go outside. She hates them! Haha.

So, yeah, I had a slow, lower mood kind of week, but I’m going to get back up. I’m not giving up.

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More Food Habits!

After last week’s post about some rather bad habits I have with food, typing it down seemed to do some good that I haven’t made the same mistakes so far this week. The hardest was limiting my calories more on a weekend as I’m not as active. Or I need to increase my activity, I guess. I did quite well last weekend until we had Valentines day and I had too many chocolates and profiteroles and wine and Baileys. I mean there’s having a day off and there’s eating 2 days worth of calories in 1! I highly doubt I’ll lose any weight this week, but I will also blame the hormones! I have noticed a few new things though.

  • My breakfast and lunch seem to make up about 800 calories, on a good day my evening meal makes about 800. If I want to be able to have indulgent snacks and/alcohol, I have to limit the dinner.
  • I always snack on food at lunch when waiting for Robin to eat her lunch. I either need to stop (I have little willpower) or make the lunch the night before so I don’t have those foods out on the table*
  • Decide on a maximum number of valentines chocolates I can have each day because, no, it is not healthier to just eat them all in 1 go! I got some Lindt chocolate balls and have decided I can have three a day.
  • Garlic bread is not my friend.
  • Neither are poppadoms, bhajis, pakoras, somasas, etc.
  • Just because Elvis leaves his milk at dinner, I don’t have to add Baileys to it rather than throw it away!
  • I also don’t have to eat last night’s dinner left overs. I hate throwing things out, but I also don’t need to eat the left over pasta. Or the abandoned fish finger. Or the crusts that both children make me cut off their sandwiches!

I think a big key thing is to continue limiting snacking, but also alter extras I make with dinner. I think I fail when I allow myself nibbbles at lunch or my chocolate allowance during the day and then cook garlic breads with dinner. The indulgences need to be left until after dinner as a proper treat for the day.

I also really need to figure out how to approach next weekend as I’m off out on a date for our wedding anniversary and the dinner will be huge! Gulp!

*This will not really be a problem once I’m back at work. But I’d like to sort out bad habits before my days become more active.

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Operation Yummy Mummy: Only 0.3kg to go!!!

Whoop whoop! So last week, I had apparently lost no weight, but I didn’t let that get me down as I was happier within myself. But something stirred myself to do a mid-week weigh (I try to only weigh once a week to stop from becoming obsessive) and I had lost weight! With my 0.4kg drop today, I am now only 0.3kg from my first weight goal! I am so excited. I’ve never been good at losing weight so I am finding this a real accomplishment. During some of my decluttering acts, I have been looking through my old photos as I explained the other day and I seem to have pinpointed my weight gain. Besides pregnancies of course! In March 2012, I had a laparoscopy to check out why I wasn’t conceiving, just to see if there was an issue with my uterus. Somehow, that surgery really took it out of me, in ways that seem far worse than either of my c-sections. Well, maybe not my second. I really seemed to struggle after that one. After the laparoscopy, it really hit me and I ate a lot of junk food. We went on holiday in the May of 2012, we walked a gorge and in all of the pictures I have a tummy that despite me always seeing, wasn’t in any of the other photos I looked at the other day. I think I stopped being as active after the surgery and whilst I did stop being so active after my c-sections, there were a lot of other body changes going on at the same time so I went in to my first pregnancy carrying more weight than usual as I never attempted to try and shift it. I’m not sure that I ever realised it was fully there.

So, to have actively worked at losing weight and thinking that I can do it, that I can get further, it feels amazing to me. Okay, after the next 0.3kg, my next goal is 10kg away and gets me to that first pre pregnancy weight, which was bumped up by post-surgery laziness. Do you know what though, I can do it!

I know I can.

Not only have I done a once through of the photos and emptied one whole album, I have also fully decluttered the bathroom. I sorted out old medicines, bath washes that I have had for years and am never going to use, done an all around tidy and checked my sun creams for this year! I am finished with the first round of clothes sorting. I even found all of my pyjama tops which was good as I no longer need to wear nursing tops to bed. My clothes will need another sort through, but I need to wait and see what my body is like when I feel happy with the weight loss and once I’m back at work wearing normal clothes! Haha. I’ve also gone through all of my cookbooks and added over half to the pile. Maybe one day I’ll go back to trying to cook from scratch and actually cooking rather than just throwing meat and veg in a slow cooker with a random jar of sauce, but not today! I’m also going to start going through some of my books and deciding if I am ever actually going to read them. I think I might donate books I’ve read rather than keeping them because I like the book and/or the author. Apart from my GRRM, Harry Potter, etc sets. Those I’m keeping.

I’m not touching all of my Star Trek books yet though. If I do decide to get rid of them, I need to investigate if there’s somewhere I can maybe sell them on because there are a lot of them and I just don’t think they’d sell well in any of my local charity shops. Plus they’re up in the loft so not a top priority. Yet. I don’t think there’s much that I can do decluttering wise until I get rid of everything in the back room that is waiting for me to sell at the next Little Pickles market, the thought of which is quite exciting. I mean, two hours of trying to sell all of my baby stuff with nanny babysitting so it could be considered a date with hubby! We’ve already decided that any clothes left are going straight to charity. There’s also the excitement that I might then have a clear back room! And I might have more space in my bedroom (where the sit in walker currently lives). Then there’s the excitment that with space in the back room, I can start decluttering that room! And using it for space to help declutter the conservatory, the shed and eventually the loft. I feel a bit stuck until I clear out the back room so next Saturday could be the start of lots of change.

On my social side, I had a mum date last weekend which was fantastic and I have a few plans in the pipe works for other mum dates. I had made lots of plans to meet up for lots of playdates this week, but Elvis was off nursery 3 days out of the 4 so they all got cancelled. Being stuck at home with both kids was pretty awful for me. It’s the biggest trigger. I just feel down, tired, bored and I still can’t figure out which tool is the best to help me sort it. Luckily, I didn’t get too low and I think I quickly realised that it would be done by today and then back to normal. Theoretically it’s the last time that it could happen as well, I’ll be back to work in a month and then any illness from the kids means that I get to actually spend time with them at home. I might enjoy it!

And I booked Elvis’ birthday entertainment this week! I guess, despite the really low mood that I suffered with being trapped at home, I still had a good week and made it to the end of it.

Now, next Saturday will I be posting about how lovely and clear my house is and how I reached my first weight goal?

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Good Food Habits

I think I have quite a bad relationship with food. Well, good if you consider the fact that I love food and could eat all the time. I quite frequently eat until I’m past full. Since the New Year and my Operation: Yummy Mummy, I have slowly started changing my relationship with food. I put my food into my fitbit food diary so kind of calorie count – my aim is to restrict take aways, unhealthy snacks, not limit or alter my usual meals.

I’ve been doing better. But I still have bad days. As part of my PND/PNA therapy we learnt to use an activity diary to try and track when our moods drop to try and find a cause. Well, yesterday I felt low and I know it was because I ate badly. So I considered what I ate and when and have come up with the following changes:

  • Freeze flapjack so I don’t have a whole batch sitting in my fridge. I kept eating it in case it spoils!
  • Don’t cook extra for myself when cooking a quick meal for either child. Just because I know I’ll want some sweet potato fries. No, just no. Also applies, don’t eat their leftovers no matter how badly I want a fish finger!
  • When having leftovers for a meal, spoon it out of the tub onto a plate/bowl. Last night I ate all the pasta (except for whatever I kept randomly spooning onto Robin’s tray) as it was in the tuperware tub. I ate too much as it was leftovers and more than 1 portion. It’s too difficult to see in the tub.
  • Alter food input on weekends where I am nowhere near as active. Today, I’m trapped in the house with both kids. My activity levels are way down yet I’m still overeating. Or maybe eating my normal amounts but less active. Not good.

Realising these bad habits and finding solutions is one thing, actually sticking to them is another. I just ate multiple jelly babies and two pieces of flapjack as I was bored whilst both children slowly finished their meal 😯

Somehow I need to find some willpower and motivation, simply being just 0.7kg from my goal (potentially 2 weeks away) is not enough of a motivation apparently. But then, how am I supposed to not feel low when I’m stuck in the house with both children, Elvis being a bit ill and super tired and cranky. I didn’t even dare risk going to the shops today. How do I entertain myself on those types of days?

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Yummy Mummy: Three More Bags for Charity

Well, I was really hoping that I could announce I was back to pre-second-pregnancy weight already in this post, but apparently I have lost no weight.

None. At. All.

And I’ve had a really good week, so I am a bit miffed, however I am trying to keep in mind that when my size 16 jeans became too loose a few weeks ago, I started wearing my 14s which where a bit too tight. Now, they fit much better. Okay, that could be that they’re stretched a bit, but I’d like to think it’s because I’ve shrunk a bit. Until I weighed myself, I felt on top of the world so I’m going to ignore the lack of weight loss. Plus, it wasn’t a weight gain!

As for the decluttering, well, there are currently three huge charity bags waiting by the front door for us to take out later on today. Plus another bag filled with glasses, cups, ornaments and another bag with even more glass in it. I’ve been quite ruthless. I went through all of my cups and decided that my husband and I could each keep 3, then there are 4 spares (a nice set that match our kitchen), the rest have gone. It includes cups I was using to hold pens and other things in my wardrobe (that is how much of a hoarder I am), cups that I got in my first ever full time job, a cup that I bought with one of my best friends who is still one of my best friends. But I don’t need 4 cups. I don’t even need 3, but 2 are my favourites and the 3rd was bought “by my son” and says Mummy on it. I might be being ruthless, but I’m not heartless.

I put a dress in the charity bags that is brand new, still has the labels on, which cost me £50 and I really wanted to wear to afternoon tea at the Ritz. But it didn’t fit. I kept it in case it ever fit. It won’t ever fit. I can’t cling on to these things.

I went through my dressing table drawers three times. On the third time I ditched the nail varnish from my graduation ball. I only know one person that I went to that ball with. It wasn’t a highlight. I don’t remember much about the night in total, so why keep the nail varnish except some twisted notion of nostalgia?

The way that I decluttered my room was chuck everything I wanted to get rid of on my nursing chair (which also needs to go!) and then I bagged it up a few weeks later. That way, I did get to view it all one last time to make sure. A few items I realised were not good enough for charity and instead went into the bin. I took ONE thing back out. It is a little handbag with a wrist strap, which I think will be good for when I take up jogging again in the better weather. It is big enough for my phone and keys, but also small enough to fit in my hands. Everything else stayed in the bags. I’m pretty sure that my bedroom is almost done. Elvis’ is fine. Robin’s needs some work.

Here’s what my decluttering list looks like:

  • DVDs
  • Under my bed – clothes, bags
  • Under Robin’s bed
  • Top of our wardrobes
  • Over the Bed unit and the jewellery collection
  • Bedside drawer and bedroom shelves
  • Kitchen crockery and above the cooker cupboard
  • Glassware
  • Under the Stairs
  • Top of stairs nook
  • Cookbooks
  • Photo Albums
  • Books – fiction, non fiction I’m going to be ruthless, and only the keep the fiction books that are part of a collection or I haven’t read yet. I might even check out all of my Start Trek books in the loft!
  • Bathroom drawers and cupboards
  • My bedroom corner
  • Top of the kitchen units
  • Clothes hangars
  • Back room – filing cabinets, shelving unit, shelves, mantle, window, craft boxes I can’t even get in to this room properly at the moment due to baby stuff to sell. Oh, well.
  • Loft Goodness knows what’s up there!
  • Side shed this needs sorting if we want to clear the conservatory for more practical use in the summer
  • Conservatory some of the stuff needs to go in the loft and I deemed that too much hassle! Especially when the loft needs sorting!

What else is new in Operation Yummy Mummy? I’ve been arranging playdates with neighbours that have children the same age as Elvis. One of our neighbours’ daughters goes to nursery with him, but in the year above and they seem to like each other. I also potentially have a mum date tonight. Unless a child gets ill or something. I’m sorting out the last of my nursing tops for the Little Pickles market which is in 2 weeks and yesterday, a courier came and picked up 5 boxes of DVDs, games and consoles for Music Magpie. We’re just finishing off a second Music Magpie order and I need to list a few items on ebay in a minute.

Oh, and I just emailed a company with regards to hiring them for Elvis’ third birthday!

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CBT: Session Three – Oh, There I am! #PND

As I walked into the third session, I was still feeling so so down from the session before and then my failed attempt to socialise, that I wondered what the point was. But I wasn’t about to lose my place on the course and I really loved the creche aspect! Honestly, possibly not the best reason, but I’m not going to lie – it was not hope and optimism that made me go on the third week. Haha! The third session was all about rumination (I tick all the boxes, so, yep, I ruminate. A lot) and introduced SMART Goals.

Well, somewhere in the week afterwards, I began to see some light.

I think it happened when I set my SMART Goal in front of everyone in the therapy session. Because that meant I had to stick to it. Right?

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Yummy Mummy: Another 0.2kg Lost

A slow week again, but with Robin’s first birthday we ate alot of cake and didn’t eat at home at all for one whole day. On top of that I always have a take away on the weekend. And I had extra lazy days because a cold knocked me out and I’ve just wanted to sleep! 😴

But 0.2 loss is better than nothing and waaaay better than a gain. Only 1.1kg from my first goal! Yay! Maybe 3 weeks if I stay really good.

In other Yummy news, I’m reading “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” and I am loving being back in Westeros. I’m still doing at least 3 nights of Dance Central aerobics and my PND therapy course has ended so it’s up to me to remember to keep working at keeping me happy (still working on the blog entries). My attempts at my own social life have been knocked a bit but it is cold season and I refused to let some let downs get me down.

I’ve finished decluttering the kitchen cupboards. I simply emptied one and sorted through it, ditching things that haven’t been used in ages, dishes without lids or multiples (who needs 3 ceramic trays?) And then moved on to the next. I do still have the stuck thought of I might use it one day which I can’t shake, but I’m making steps to make space.

I just spent this morning clearing through my clothes stored under the bed and although I do have a huge pile to donate to charity, I still have loads to put back under there. I am incredibly proud of my self, however, as I hate getting rid of perfectly good clothes. The problem is I do consider my body is in a state of flux. I am actively trying to lose weight and I’ve been pregnant for over half of the past 3 years, so just because I have loads of clothes that don’t fit, it does not mean that they won’t again. I’ve read some articles on declutttering and they state that you should get rid of things that don’t fit, if you ever lose the weight, you’ll want to buy new. Well, I don’t think that applies to me quite yet. These articles are quite ruthless on what you should ditch and whilst I’m nowhere near their level, I’m ditching stuff I wouldn’t have before. If part of my PND is feeling like I lost myself then why would I get rid of the clothes that I associate with the me that I was, the me that I assume or hope I will be again?

Or maybe that’s exactly why I should get rid of them. A clean slate and all. The person that I was is never going to be the person I can be again. I’m a whole new person and that person who wore Little Miss t-shirts is like my distant relative.

It’s just that, yes, my whole entire body has changed, but I’ve spent 3 years in maternity/nursing-able clothing and, well, it’s pissing me off. I’m fed up with it now and I keep all of the clothes that I loved back in the distant past because I want to remember what I was, who I was, what I looked like, but also what I can be when I don’t need an expandable waist to accommodate a growing child or easy access to my boobs for another growing child.

I’ll re-evaluate the clothes when I get to either the right weight or when my breastfeeding journey ends forever, but even so, I’ve cleared out 3 big bags for charity.

Along with 2 bags waiting to be taken to our local BHF store, I also have three bags of kitchen things ready to go and maybe a box plus of kitchen things that are currently in the shed… they may have to wait until I clear up some space as they might need a clean now! Our back room is still a dumping ground. There’s the three huge piles of boxes that are waiting for the next Little Pickles Market and two huge piles of DVDs/games waiting for me to sort out a Music Magpie order. Oh, and I sold on most of my unwanted Christmas presents last week on ebay and made over £40. This house will declutter, it will just take a while as I am a super-hoarder.

So, maybe only 0.2kg down, but two huge bags and three carrier bags of charity worthy stuff down. That’s a pretty good week, I reckon!

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