Persephone: Parent

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If Only You Knew

Today, I rather randomly took a wander down memory lane and read most of the poetry on my original blog Muse Persephone. It was because I was updating it with the poem I posted here last week, but reading back on over 4 years of my thoughts, made me realise something with regards to part of my recent identity crisis (that’s what I’m calling the fact that all I have wanted over the past two weeks is some time for me, some selfish, me be the centre of everything time. Seeing as I have barely had the focus on attention in 14 months, I figured a few days over my birthday was okay. Others thought not, not helping my identity crisis).

Apparently, during these few weeks where all I have wanted for a few hours across a few days was to be me, to have things be about me, and not about me being a mum, I have upset people. I have angered people. I have worried people. For all three I am sorry. For people that I upset or angered, without them noticing the worrying features of me the past few weeks, well, that’s maybe kinda shameful on you really. Parenting isn’t easy. The changes that occur, aren’t easy. I have always dealt by venting online. It just so happens that no one ever realised before.

On reading some of my older poetry though, I realised that for all of those people that I upset and angered, to those that I was disrespectful to, or showed ungratefulness to, if a few facebook statuses upset you or showed you my true feelings, you really should have been reading all of the other facebook statuses for 3+ years, the ones that link to my original blog and home of all my poetry. And take a guess at which ones are about you as a collective! I’ve been accused of telling the world that I had a problem with someone (who couldn’t tell me that they had a problem with me doing that so clearly they’re being adult about this) when, in truth, I named no one and put it on my private facebook. Uh, hello? I’ve had a completely public blog for years.

In fact, don’t bother trawling through all my poems and trying to guess which ones are about you. Some I don’t remember the point of! Here are some:

Some of these may also have strong links to the identity crisis stuff, because apparently I’ve always felt invisible to those who supposedly matter and I guess it’s true if it took them this many years to notice how I feel about them.

~ P

 

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Poem: Summer

The leaves barely move as the gentle summer breeze whispers over them
Still and quiet, nonexistent
Commuters bustle on, buzzing around, droning on, staring into space
Barging past, knocking and jostling, pollen transfers and stems break
Fallen to the floor in a disregarded heap, waiting for the next whisper to move them on
Even as new flowers bud, new leaves sprout, every day simply passes by as the summer thunders do
A life giving sun beats down, burns down upon the withered
As bathers simply lie back, enjoying another’s Hell on Earth
Routine as clockwork, bullets whoosh past in reality, normality
A horrendous, inescapable normality.

Go on your day. Notice these things. Just once.

Notice me.

(C) Persephone M 12th July 2014

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