Persephone: Parent

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Poxy Weight Issues

Robin was weighed on days 3 and 5, she’s lost about 9.3% of her birthweight. Elvis got weighed on day 5, had lost 8%.  I’ve been advised to top up with expressed or formula but I wonder if either option will cause supply issues and possible latch problems if I use a bottle. Although our latch is better than the other day and my milk is definitely in. However, I’m so engorged, I have no idea if she’s ever draining a boob. So is she getting to the fatty milk? Although fatty/watery milk content is not that simple.

Meanwhile, I keep having hot flushes and severe shivers either from a post op infection, milk coming in or my engorgement has led to an infection. It happened last time so I want to rule out breast infection. Either way, we have an extra midwife check tomorrow to weigh her again and I’m really worried. I actually can’t tell you how frequently she feeds or how many feeds she has in a day. I’m not clock watching. I stopped clock watching at night to combat my insomnia about a year ago and I’m not starting now.

Surely it’s all about feeding on demand? And during the day she never goes longer than 3hours; she feels constantly attached!

Meanwhile Elvis has chicken pox. He’s dealing ok but he’s clearly not happy. All I want to do is cuddle him but I have a baby who may be losing too much weight permanently attached to me and my son no longer wants me.

It’s heartbreaking. It really is. I can’t lift him for another 5 weeks so I can’t get him in and out of his cot, take him upstairs. She will currently only really be settled by my boob and sleeps longer on me. But it’s me who feels like I’m failing both of them. I’m not getting her to feed properly and I’m not the parent my son wants or needs at the moment. And Elvis being poorly breaks me. He’s why I discharged from hospital early. And I can’t do anything for him. And she may not be thriving.

Happy Saturday,
~ P

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Two Nights In

Robin was born on Sunday night and I fought for discharge by Monday evening. I missed Elvis, didn’t want to spend more time away from him and I co-sleep with newborns which hospitals frown on so I needed to get home. Well, 3 nights of life with 2 at home and Robin has some pickle in her!

She likes to sleep during the day and she’ll sleep independently. She likes to feed at very certain times and at others will signal feeding but then literally hold a nipple in her mouth and go back too sleep. My patience at this point with Elvis was non-existant so Robin has it better.

Okay I’m so slow at blogging, it’s now night 3 at home. And I’m flashing back to newborn Elvis. It isn’t as bad. It can’t be as bad. Robin got weighed yesterday and has lost 8%. She gets reweighed Friday and can only lose 2 more. Elvis was borderline on the 10% loss on day 5, he wasn’t weeing or pooing. I knew there was a problem – my milk took 5 days to come in. Well Robin is weeing, pooping and my milk’s in – day 3.

It must be better therefore.

However, just because I’ve done this before, nursed a newborn it doesn’t mean that she and I know what we’re doing. I have a few blood blisters starting to form. I’m hoping I’ve noticed in enough time, that it won’t get worse, but right now I’m very protective of my nipples.

Last time I was exhausted, my breasts ached and I needed sleep. Husband and I stuggled to become parents let alone understand what c-section meant and we had to do it all on the fly. This time we already are parents, we understand what major surgery is. All I have to do is see to Robin. She’s mine. Elvis, the house and me are all The Husband’s.

Ot certainly relieves the pressure but I do hate it regarding Elvis. But my surgery prevents me being a normal mum just as much as the baby on my boob. It will pass. I have far more faith than last time. I just need this pain to pass.

~ P

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Guilty Love

This is what I feel with regards to Robin, to the unborn baby that actually, I don’t necessarily even love. I don’t hate him/her. I just don’t know them. How am I supposed to love them?

Do some mums feel that kind of rush of love when they get that positive test? When they feel the first kick? Or when they first hold their child?

I don’t think I ever really did with Elvis. I felt immense relief when he was born – that an impossible journey was over. Finally.

At some point I fell in love with him of course!

But now I face the problem of the sibling.

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My 4th Trimester

I remember reading about the 4th trimester last time, how babies should gestate for longer, how they can still be incredibly dependent on Mumma because of this. Aren’t we like the only mammal (animal in general?) whose offspring have no defensive capability at all at birth and for up to 3 months? I mean, a newborn generally can’t even roll. With Elvis, he solely slept on/next to me for two months (or in the pushchair if we’d been out) and then I decided it was enough, he had to use his Moses basket.

I needed the space physically and I felt he was ready for that space. He took to the new sleeping arrangements within a week.

As for being less dependent on me in general (just enough to pee in private, maybe cook dinner or do some cleaning), I think by 4 months we had a routine. It was flexible when it needed to be, adaptable when he needed it ro be, but it was there. Things then get skewed in my memory because at 5 months old, hubby/daddy took 3 months off work to look for a new, family friendlier job.

It was an amazing 3 months for daddy and Elvis, but it did give me an easy ride when it came to parenting.

However, using those time periods, with Robin I am giving myself a 4th trimester. For the 4th trimester, I will not care about cleaning the house. I will ensure that Robin is always fed. 5 nights a week I will make sure that Elvis has dinner. For the 4th trimester,  I will not care about breakfasts and lunches for Elvis or Daddy. I will try and put the washing on. I might remember to dry the clothes. I will not care about putting any clothes away.

I might do the washing up. I might not care at all. I will not care if people visit and consider the toilet filthy or despair at my underwear hanging up everywhere drying. If they have an issue with dirty socks strewn across the room, they can pick them up. Last time, I desperately wanted a 2-4 week Babymoon with no visitors. Within 2 days, I had family on my doorstep. Within 2 weeks I had family pressuring me into visiting due to an extended holiday they had planned. I felt put upon and like I had to be a hostess when all I wanted to do was sleep and learn about my baby. This time I will not buckle, I will not cave. If I want to see people, I will at times I want to see them. Because at any point that both of my children happen to be asleep, so might I be. If one is awake as the other sleeps, well, that will be my quality time with them.

This is all my solemn vow to not stress during those first three months. To not care! Those three months will be about me and hubby getting to know our baby, will be about the greatest adaptation our family will ever go through. Elvis’ toys do not need to be tidied (although he does it quite while in the right mood). Beds do not need to be made. Curtains do not need to be opened. We all merely need food, clean plates, clean clothes and a clean bath in which to keep ourselves clean. End of.

~ P

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Possessive Boy

At first I thought that my son, who has only just developed the ability/desire to hug and kiss people, was having a spot of separation anxiety, but I think it’s actually some sort of possessive streak. Initially it was crying when I took him to nursery alone – perhaps he thought we were off out somewhere fun together before I abandoned him there! Then it was crying if I didn’t get in the car with Daddy to take him to nursery – am I not allowed a day off? I started to wonder if it was simply OCD and breaking his routine, but he seems fine when I’m genuinely not around. Oh, and then there were the tears when Daddy drove away with Nanny – how dare Daddy leave!

Then I noticed that I was allowed to play with his toys, Daddy wasn’t unless it was bedtime and then Daddy could join in. I still thought it was a separation thing and preferring mummy to daddy. When he was upset, Elvis currently prefers me to Daddy. If we’re both there that is! I am slightly worried if there is an element of Mummy-love because Robin isn’t far off!

Until I then realised it isn’t Mummy-love, it isn’t breaking a routine, it isn’t even being separated from me. Nope, it’s Elvis deciding everything is his!

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Happy Father’s Day

The following is a post fot my father, a man who I think I’ve only really started to learn about in the past year since I became a mum.

My dad wasn’t like most dads and I don’t mean that he was one of a kind or the best dad ever. By the time I started school, in the late 80s, my mum and dad swapped familial roles and he became the house-husband, she worked 9-5 and he was the stay at home dad. I’m not sure what percentage do it now, but 30 years ago he was the only one in my school.

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Needing… Something

I’m having a bad few days. I’m sure it’s a combination of many little things. I know I should try and think on the positive, but it just doesn’t seem to be helping.

Hubby’s back at work. Elvis is on his second day of being a bit clingy, crying easier than usual. I feel like I’m losing or have lost most of my old friends and those that are still around don’t want to be. My nose is constantly running. I’m awake half the night coughing my lungs up. I have no idea what’s wrong with E, possibly he’s having separation anxiety from his Daddy? I tried to talk to friends about him being back at work, received comments implying I’m lucky to have had him. Only new mummy friends have really had any sympathy.

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Not Blogging

Following on from my earlier blog questioning why I blog, I’ve realised that part of my reason for not blogging has been my home situation.

Over two months ago my husband stopped working for long complicated reasons. So for almost three months now, me, hubby and Elvis have all been at home.

And I feel like I’ve been cheating!

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Driving Away in A Big Black Cab

Okay so actually the taxi wasn’t black.

It wasn’t a big taxi cab either, just a regular taxi. And it did drive me away last night.

At 10pm, after Elvis’ dream feed, I called a taxi and left.

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Monthly Update: Month 4

Weight: 17lb 7. Pretty sure he’s doubled his birth weight now! Woo!

Bedtime: He now goes to bed at 7pm in his cot! We did the big move! My bedtime is now 2130 after dreamfeeding Elvis. He still stirs overnight and the cot is further away than the Moses basket ever was, but it’s manageable. We try our hardest to not bring him into bed, so I no longer feel completely attached to him!

Naps/Length: 4 at half an hour. His final nap is at about 5, that’s how we delayed his bedtime back to 7 slightly so that Daddy can actually see his son! The naps are now also in the cot. All sleep can take about half an hour of settling, being on hand to replace his dummy. Sometimes I hate that thing!

Number of feeds in 24hrs: Approximately 6. He can now go 9 hours overnight, he still stirs, but he doesn’t need feeding so I certainly don’t get 9 hours!

Favourite toy/objects: He loves rattles. To chew on mainly, not rattle!

Clothing age: 3-6 months still.

Foot length: 10cm

Milestones: Elvis can sit up unaided. Still no signs of rolling, but he can sit so who cares!

My swimming ability: 900m.

What I’m reading: Still on a slow re-read of Game of Thrones.

New Foods: N/A

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