Persephone: Parent

A fine WordPress.com site

VIPs – To Who?

I went to a toddler’s birthday party yesterday and there was a mum there that I recognised. That’s a bit of an understatement really. I know her name. I went to school with her. She was the first person I met when I transferred schools mid-year. And she probably has no idea who I am?

And it got me to wondering about who is important to me and who would consider me important to them.

When I was younger I used to keep a weekly list of my ten best friends  (goodness, how pathetic!) and I’d rank my friends. Honestly, I do not do this anymore, but if I were to think of the first people I’d call in an emergency, that I want to spend with or that I’d want to involve in my Operation Yummy Mummy Social Time, how many of them would put me there?

I don’t think that many.

If we automatically take out my mum, husband and children, maybe 2 of the ten would likely put me in their top ten, too.

I guess this has always bothered me; believing that I value someone more than they value me. But it doesn’t really matter, does it? As long as I have people I value and that I can depend on, surely it’s of no matter if anyone depends on me.

So that mum who doesn’t have any idea who I am, played a relatively important role in my school years (enough for me to remember her whole name) and the friend who sees me as simply a friend, not a best friend, well, I know what a pivotal role they have played for me.

Perhaps there’s someone out there who I have no recollection of that considers me an important part of their past.

~ P

Advertisements
Leave a comment »

Toddler Proofing A Toddler Proof Home

You’d think it’s  easy, right, having toddler play dates in your home when you have a toddler already. We have safety gates, door catches, plug covers, no exposed wires, radiator turned down/off, etc, etc. Yet it really isn’t that easy. Or I’m too much of a control freak.

In the week after Christmas, Elvis was off nursery for the week so I thought it would be good to have some toddler playdates (and mummy catch ups). I feel bad during a normal  week that I put Elvis’ naps (and rest time for me) before him socialising. But he socialises at nursery. I miss out on seeing him interact with children though. And I wonder how he will be with children in his home.

We had 3 in total in that week — I was 38 weeks pregnant so everyone happily came to me! And I learnt quickly after the first. Just because I have the safety issues covered, it does not mean that toys are safe. We have a fireplace in our living room (never turned on but has edges that could hurt a child). Elvis knows not to touch it, that it’s hot so I don’t think about it. Elvis has a play desk that he knows not to climb and he knows not to take the chalks and crayons away from the desk. He has jigsaws that  he knows not to chew.

I’m not saying these things to say “my son is perfect” these are simply my house rules and I’ve taught him them. Sometimes he’s cheeky and disobeys one. We have had to take away a few pop up books as he wasn’t careful enough with them (that’s what library books are for!) That’s our rules. There is nothing wrong, nothing right about our rules, friends’ rules or anyone’s rules.

But I do need to chill out when guests come around. Or, as I quickly learnt, tidy up and hide questionable toys. I now hide the chalks and crayons, the bouncy horse that can be climbed on, the wooden jigsaws that can have their picture chewed off, the books that could be damaged by toddler hands, the more delicate pieces of train track. I considered hiding the garage with extra track that took hours to figure out a configuration, but then realised no toddler could damage it, only break it up so Daddy and I would have to spend hours refitting it all!

I was much calmer on the second playdate. And there were two toddler guests! I didn’t even mind the mess – some toddlers play with everything all at once, others tidy as they play. Just like some toddlers happily play alone, others need someone to interact with. As with all things there is no right or wrong. There are pros and cons to both. The first playdate saw Elvis share brilliantly (except his Santa hat that no one else can touch ) which is my primary concern for an only child. The second playdate saw Elvis throw a mini fit whenever I passed a toy to another child (what’s mummy’s is mummy’s which doesn’t bode well for the baby!) And saw him push another child over.

Elvis isn’t at the stage yet where punishments work. Normally when he’s naughty he gets a time out to stop crying and then has to cuddle whoever he disobeyed/hurt/upset. Well, he was never going to cuddle his friend. I really need to work on “telling off” and discipline when it comes to others! He did then play brilliantly with both boys – they were giggling and playing away and we had no idea what they were doing!

I love seeing him play with other children! But I also need to figure which are his toys – toys that he just won’t share. Which I’m fine with. Everyone has a few things or one special thing that is theirs and I don’t think they should be forced to share everything. During the week of playdates, Elvis’ special toys were his bouncy horse and Leeds Santa Hat. Fair enough. Now, when he refused to share his cars (he has 7), that is not fair and I will make him share.

And those toys that he refuses to share (because they’re special to him) will be removed from the room so no one can play! Along with the chalks, crayons, jigsaws and other delicate/damageable toys!

Here’s to more sharing and more playdates!

~ P

3 Comments »

VBAC Agreement

I had my final VBAC midwife appointment and had the consultant sign off my plans – c-section at term +12 if I haven’t already had a baby of course!

And I just feel so tired. Physically, mentally. I have no fight left even though I haven’t had to fight any medical people. Yet (I worry that I will as I reach term). Somehow I still feel like I’m too tired to fight. Maybe I’m too tired to keep juggling everything – work, pregnancy, mother to a toddler, being a person. Maybe I’m tired. Maybe I’m finally succumbing to the awful cold that has plagued my house. Being pregnant, doing what’s right for my health, Elvis and Robin is draining.

Maybe I just want February to hurry up and get here.

I physically ache. One hour of shopping leads to agony. A night of recuperative sleep is no longer a fix all remedy to my aches and pains. Sometimes I feel like becoming a mum has cost me so much. Sometimes I feel like being pregnant this time has cost me so much.

Other than at work, I don’t socialise. I don’t let Elvis socialise (he does get it at nursery of course). This pregnancy is so much harder than my first. I spend a huge chunk of my night, my time, sitting on a gym ball. It makes me unproductive. It makes me unsociable.

I wonder if anything will change when Robin arrives. The exhaustion and pain makes me snappy, makes me lazy and I fear for my parenting. It makes me fear if I can recover from this laziness once Robin’s here. Will the newborn exhaustion stop me being a good parent still?

Then I question my social life. I enjoyed my year with Elvis. The new friends I made and saw all the time who all slipped away when I went back to work because of my juggling acts – a ball had to drop. The existing people in my life who were also a ball too many. Will I be able to pick up a ball in a few months?

And will there be any point when a year later I’ll go back to work and potentially have to drop one again (although will I have the pregnant ball again? Doubtful). I guess I’m just feeling really down and know that I still have 3 weeks until I reach term and then another 5 until it will be over. 8 weeks of back pain, of pelvic discomfort so bad it’s physically draining.

And then a new period of exhaustion and pain.

~ P x

Leave a comment »

Who’s a Big Boy Now?

It’s almost September, do you know what that means?

That means that my son, my little baby, my toddler with only 4 teeth and barely any hair whatsoever, my boy who has only been in nursery for two months is moving up a class!

His nursery (I’m not sure if it’s a standard practice), keep their toddlers in rooms based upon their school years after their first year. So, because he will be turning 2 in the upcoming school year (huh, 2? When did that number come in to play? He’s only 15 months old!) he gets to move up into their Big baby room.

Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment »

Lonely Parenting

For the first 9 months, minus the first 2 maybe, my life was filled with baby groups and chatting with the other mummies, mummies whose babies are all the same age. But then, the 9 month mark hits and mummies have to start going back to work. I made it to Elvis’ 13 month birthday, but for those last 4 months, life became more lonely.
Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment »

Nursery Settling: Session 1

We had our first hour at nursery yesterday, where Elvis and I got to play with all the toys and other children. It took him a while to have the confidence to leave me to wander across the room, but he happily did and then started playing quite happily with some of the children.

When we came to leave he even had a cry out because he wanted to stay playing, then he wanted to go and play in the back garden with the older children. My son would be the one who cries when we leave!

Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment »

Goodbye Group!

With the countdown to Elvis’ first birthday and holiday treat well underway, we have just said goodbye to our first group. Age-wise we could still attend, but after the chaos is over, we’re going to start preparing for Nursery and finding a new routine. That new routine might mean the end of some of our current baby groups.

Which isn’t a problem; lots of Elvis’ baby friends will stop going as their mummies graduate and return to work. And today, all the little ones are so tiny! I swear that Elvis was never that small!

It’s a bit silly because there are other groups at the same place and the mummies I’ve made friends with will still be contactable, I guess it’s the first major change that I have to make in preparation of graduating. These groups were the only thing that got me through months 2 to 5, the only thing that kept me sane.

Can’t I just stay home forever?

~ P

Leave a comment »

School Girl Mentality

Only a few times over the past year have I felt awkward at baby groups or around baby mummies. It’s only been a few times where I’ve felt as if I’m back at school with the popular girls picking on the not so popular, cliques forming all around me and opinions being voiced without being thought through.  On even fewer occasions it has brought me to tears.

The question is though, is it them acting like school girls or is me and how I interpret others’ actions?

Read the rest of this entry »

2 Comments »

Mummy’s Day Out

For a friend’s birthday, I bought her a trip to a local gym and she so very kindly took me. Now, having babies pretty much the same age, we waited for them to nor be so dependent on milk and went off for some gym fun.

It was the best day ever.

Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment »

Baby’s Second Picnic – A Much Better Day

I was so apprehensive about our second picnic invite, this time with two older babies, that I didn’t take any food as I was adamant I was going to feed him at home.

I just really hadn’t wanted another day of sitting there cold as Elvis slept and my friends sat with their babies on the swings. Nor did I want to have a complaining baby because he wanted to move and be free. That was the joy of having the second picnic with older babies (only about 4 months, but they’re toddlers now), they understood Elvis and my frustrations.

Read the rest of this entry »

Leave a comment »

Baby in the Sunshine

British baby living in Dubai

Dallas Decoder

Between the Lines and Behind the Scenes of "Dallas"

ColleysWobbles

Riding the wave that is life...wobbles and all

Snot On My Jumper

...and other tales of parenthood

Scarlett and Me

Fashion and beauty for mums and their babes by Faye Jacobs

Dear Mummy Blog

The travellings of Bella and her folks!

Motherhood - made up by me

My journey of motherhood of my daughter and how I make it all up as I go along

A new thing a day keeps the boredom away

My challenge for 2015: try something new every day for a whole year.