Persephone: Parent

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Venturing Out

As it’s still the weekend and we all got a second lie in (well yesterday it was 7am when Elvis and I awoke, 8am for all of us today) I was quite pleased that it felt slightly cooler out and that we could all perhaps venture out to town and proper shops. Not just the food and second hand shops nearby.

I only wanted to go to try and find a few things for Elvis, but it needed to be proper baby shops.

And I found everything I wanted!
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Counting Down

I was really I’ll Tuesday night. Either a bug, food poisoning or heat stroke. For over three hours I couldn’t even keep water down. Despite my gro-egg saying it was 24 degrees, I was wrapped in my thick dressing gown and duvet. After I finished being sick I slept relatively well. Even if I did feel freezing in this heat wave. My bigger concern was Elvis staying hydrated if I couldn’t keep water down. At 5am we were both awake and I struggled to put him into his cot as I lay on the floor beside him. I was physically drained, there was no food fuelling me at all. Hubby took me to Nanny’s (who didn’t hear a thing and is now concerned she wouldn’t hear burglars) because we weren’t sure if I would keep my toast down.

Maybe it was because yesterday was so bad (no more vomiting, but I was still feverish) or maybe because I feel trapped in the house, but I just keep counting down 3 hourly blocks.
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Alone With Elvis

I think Alone used to be a main tag out theme of poetry on what was my main blog; in some ways it was/is one of my greatest fears. Oddly as an only child who is still able to thoroughly entertain myself alone, I still hate feeling alone. Even now I would rather spend my days on my own with Elvis with some item of technology Рcomputer, pad or TV. At the most I currently only really like sharing my time with my mother. Perhaps because she understands, perhaps because she  gives me space and aid.

I can spend hours at my mum’s and feel a bit human. She can chat away to her grandson and I can eat in peace, drink a hot cup of tea, go to the loo, have a lie down, hold an adult conversation with her or her friends. This is all because she only has those hours I visit.

The time I actually feel alone the most is in the evening or weekends when it’s just me, my husband and my son.
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Mummy Moment: Nanny to the Rescue!

This is Wednesday’s mummy moment because I was so far out of it yesterday! Honestly though, what a difference a day makes!

So Wednesday was just awful. Husband woke up, I was crying. Husband went to work, I burst into tears. Health visitor came around, I didn’t cry and Elvis fell asleep on me. HV left and I tried to go for a nap, Elvis woke up and I cried.

So I ran away to Nanny’s.

With Elvis.

Whereby I fed him and handed him over before going to sleep in the spare bedroom – the new carpet has cars all over it so it’s clearly for him. Well I maybe dozed for 20 minutes and got up after an hour. I miss my mum’s house (we lived there until we got pregnant). I miss having a spare bed. I miss good, solid thick walls and ceilings so I really couldn’t hear Elvis cry.

But we need our own family space.

After getting up, I realised that there’s no food for me there! So Nanny kept her grandson whilst I popped to the shop. It’s the first time I’ve been out without him. He’s been out without me plenty of times.

Perhaps its the exhaustion or always knowing that it isn’t for long, that Elvis is always with someone I trust, but even at 5 weeks old, I don’t miss him or worry about him. Is that so wrong?

So I bought and ate lunch, stayed at Nanny’s all afternoon and went food shopping on my way home at 5pm. There was only an hour to wait for husband but as soon as we got in Elvis started crying.

And so did I.

Hubby got home, I was still crying, took Elvis and I went for a bath – more mummy moments.

Thursday and I’ve had sleep, no mummy moments and tears? None in over 12 hours. I would like Elvis to stop feeding sleep soon though – there’s a sure start session I’d really like to go to in less than 12 hours!

~ Persephone M

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