Persephone: Parent

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It’s Light at 4am

Did you know that? It’s good to know really. Elvis seems to be about an hour out of the routine he’s had the past two days, but it might mean I get to go back to sleep until 7. Normally his 5am feed leads to being awake although I send him off with daddy!

Last night, as I started to actually have an extra nap, daddy suggested I go to bed early with Elvis and feed him in bed.

I love feeding lying down. But I don’t like it when all 3 of us are in the bed. Especially because we all fall asleep. Elvis and I going up made loads of sense. Unfortunately daddy came to bed way before Elvis started his night-time routine. This meant twice all 3 of us were in the bed.

Once hubby gets up in the morning, Elvis and I can have more down time together which involves more sleep for me. Unless he chooses to wake up and then be alert. Multiple professionals have reccomended bedding down for 24hours, but I’m not sure I could do that. They also keep telling me that I should do the night-time feeds in bed and not get up.

Isn’t it more important to be confortable?

~ Persephone M

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Surviving a Night.

The expressed bottle did nothing.

Maybe because it wasn’t enough. Maybe because my son is a greedy little wotsit.

On the positive (yes, there actually is one) after his 9pm feed (which involved comfort sucking that I hate) he settled nicely into bed. It was gone 10 at this point and he woke up some time before 12 for another feed.

I’ve already noticed that during the day his feeds are roughly an hour and a half apart. Except if he goes into a long enough nap.

I remember that feed not being too long (I watched half of Hollyoaks) and aside from a bit of grumbling, Elvis went to sleep quite quickly.

At one something it was time for daddy and the bottle so that I could have some solid sleep. By this point I’d had maybe an hour altogether at night, 2 hours resting in the evening and an hour from the morning.

Except by half 2, daddy needed me to finish Elvis – my bottle wasn’t enough and he wouldn’t settle for daddy. I had slept a little bit longer though and daddy stayed up with me to keep me awake.

Back to bed Elvis went and then he woke up at five something for his next feed; an hour plus of sleep there. I am still tired, but I don’t feel physically exhausted and drained. He can do 2.5-3 hour stretches overnight. It just depends on when his night begins.

I survived the night. Even better it was a good night after a good (albeit tiring) day. Fingers crossed for today and onwards!

~ Persephone M

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Sweet Dreams: Part 3

And it’s now almost 0430 and it’s the third wake up, which, as far as I’m concerned, is the final one because even an hour’s sleep when he finishes will get us to gone 5am and nearer the amazing 0600.

Not that I need that 0600 like I have previous nights. No, it hasn’t been perfect – how can 2.5-3.5 hours of sleep be perfect? But it has been a hell of a lot better than previous nights.

Night number 2, I practically begged a midwife to take Elvis away because I was exhausted. Number 3 was the first at home and Elvis wouldn’t settle anywhere and none of us were any good at feeding cues. The 4th night, I don’t really remember except I was definitely up super early, tearful and walking a super thin tightrope of emotions. Attachment and position issues probably didn’t help.  The 5th and 6th nights were both similar to each other – feeding cues sorted, but Elvis’ restlessness overnight made things far too crazy.

But the 7th night (still ongoing) has seen some steps forward. Elvis has made it into his Moses Basket 3-4 times and stayed there without immediately waking up and then refusing to resettle without feeding. On this 7th night, I have awoken to his feeding cues (bloody miracle as it’s hubby who gets them all during the day) and not had many attachment or position issues. His feeding cues may be far more frequent than I’d like (come on 3hourly alarm clock) but at least he’s having them!

And, as he’s ready to go down, I have to apologise for my midnight ramblings – it kept me awake!

~ Persephone M

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Night Terrors: Part 2

Its only an hour after I posted about how terrible Elvis is overnight (or has been) and how I really find those dark hours so difficult. And, only an hour later, we’re all up again.

Except there has been peace in between. The problems on other nights was that there was no peace; Elvis was constant in his demands for food amd attention. Tonight is different. Not only did we all manage at last an hour before Elvis’ cues awoke the house but then, after his 1am feed he went back to sleep. And he stayed asleep in his moses basket for just under an hour befote his teeny tummy needed more food.

This is another first and it will certainly be something I cling to when it all goes wrong – there’s plenty more time tonight!

It isn’t just Elvis that seems to be a night terror, I seem to be having them! During his first sleep I woke up unable to find him, searching the bed because he’d gone. Poor hubby was thoroughly confused when he simply stated where Elvis was and I refused to believe him. Then, just before this wake up, I had a night terror about Fast and Furious 6. I have absolutely no idea what was going on but, again, it confused hubby. But then I just asked hubby to roll over and he sat bolt upright and tried to take Elvis from me.

We’re both so sleep deprived. Writing these are the only things keeping me awake when I need to be.

So will Elvis settle straight away? Will I have another night terror? Either way Tuesday morning already feels better than Sunday and Monday did!

~ Persephone M

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Nighttime Nightmares

I’m pretty sure that it’s now technically Tuesday but still officially Monday night. Either way, Elvis is still less than a week old. And nighttimes have been the worst.

For the past two nights, settling him has been impossible. Even when we were still in the hospital, Elvis decided he didn’t want to settle. He’s spent one night on his daddy’s chest other than feeding because he would not settle and another night, I spent half of it on the sofa waiting for him to need to feed.

We wondered if it was all my dinner getting to him so late on in the day, so today we changed my meals around to see if the nighttime problems are due to all my energy beans passing to him.

The problem with nighttimes are that everything changes. I can be, at 5am, completely drained having had no sleep and being at the end of my tether, Elvis crying for more feeding despite having done nothing else since midnight, me crying at the sound of his cry, but then the clock turns 0600 and it isn’t just the outside world that seems brighter. Suddenly my lack of sleep means nothing and I have a renewed energy. The crying is no longer so bad and I’m no longer at the end of my tether about to jump off a tightrope just so that everything can be over.

And this remains with me all day, despite barely catching up on sleep until the lights begin to darken outside once more. Because nighttimes truly have been a nightmare where my irrational nighttime mind would want nothing better than to run away and give up. Because that’s what I do.

So far, and it is only half past one so I know there’s a long way to go, I haven’t burst into tears, haven’t declared that, like everything else I simply cannot do this, and I’ve had an hour’s nighttime sleep in bed with hubby (although I woke up severely panicked as to where Elvis was – he’d actually settled in his moses basket.) For over an hour.

Now to hoping he goes back into his basket for another hour.

~ Persephone M

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