Persephone: Parent

A fine WordPress.com site

Operation Yummy Mummy: Only 0.3kg to go!!!

Whoop whoop! So last week, I had apparently lost no weight, but I didn’t let that get me down as I was happier within myself. But something stirred myself to do a mid-week weigh (I try to only weigh once a week to stop from becoming obsessive) and I had lost weight! With my 0.4kg drop today, I am now only 0.3kg from my first weight goal! I am so excited. I’ve never been good at losing weight so I am finding this a real accomplishment. During some of my decluttering acts, I have been looking through my old photos as I explained the other day and I seem to have pinpointed my weight gain. Besides pregnancies of course! In March 2012, I had a laparoscopy to check out why I wasn’t conceiving, just to see if there was an issue with my uterus. Somehow, that surgery really took it out of me, in ways that seem far worse than either of my c-sections. Well, maybe not my second. I really seemed to struggle after that one. After the laparoscopy, it really hit me and I ate a lot of junk food. We went on holiday in the May of 2012, we walked a gorge and in all of the pictures I have a tummy that despite me always seeing, wasn’t in any of the other photos I looked at the other day. I think I stopped being as active after the surgery and whilst I did stop being so active after my c-sections, there were a lot of other body changes going on at the same time so I went in to my first pregnancy carrying more weight than usual as I never attempted to try and shift it. I’m not sure that I ever realised it was fully there.

So, to have actively worked at losing weight and thinking that I can do it, that I can get further, it feels amazing to me. Okay, after the next 0.3kg, my next goal is 10kg away and gets me to that first pre pregnancy weight, which was bumped up by post-surgery laziness. Do you know what though, I can do it!

I know I can.

Not only have I done a once through of the photos and emptied one whole album, I have also fully decluttered the bathroom. I sorted out old medicines, bath washes that I have had for years and am never going to use, done an all around tidy and checked my sun creams for this year! I am finished with the first round of clothes sorting. I even found all of my pyjama tops which was good as I no longer need to wear nursing tops to bed. My clothes will need another sort through, but I need to wait and see what my body is like when I feel happy with the weight loss and once I’m back at work wearing normal clothes! Haha. I’ve also gone through all of my cookbooks and added over half to the pile. Maybe one day I’ll go back to trying to cook from scratch and actually cooking rather than just throwing meat and veg in a slow cooker with a random jar of sauce, but not today! I’m also going to start going through some of my books and deciding if I am ever actually going to read them. I think I might donate books I’ve read rather than keeping them because I like the book and/or the author. Apart from my GRRM, Harry Potter, etc sets. Those I’m keeping.

I’m not touching all of my Star Trek books yet though. If I do decide to get rid of them, I need to investigate if there’s somewhere I can maybe sell them on because there are a lot of them and I just don’t think they’d sell well in any of my local charity shops. Plus they’re up in the loft so not a top priority. Yet. I don’t think there’s much that I can do decluttering wise until I get rid of everything in the back room that is waiting for me to sell at the next Little Pickles market, the thought of which is quite exciting. I mean, two hours of trying to sell all of my baby stuff with nanny babysitting so it could be considered a date with hubby! We’ve already decided that any clothes left are going straight to charity. There’s also the excitement that I might then have a clear back room! And I might have more space in my bedroom (where the sit in walker currently lives). Then there’s the excitment that with space in the back room, I can start decluttering that room! And using it for space to help declutter the conservatory, the shed and eventually the loft. I feel a bit stuck until I clear out the back room so next Saturday could be the start of lots of change.

On my social side, I had a mum date last weekend which was fantastic and I have a few plans in the pipe works for other mum dates. I had made lots of plans to meet up for lots of playdates this week, but Elvis was off nursery 3 days out of the 4 so they all got cancelled. Being stuck at home with both kids was pretty awful for me. It’s the biggest trigger. I just feel down, tired, bored and I still can’t figure out which tool is the best to help me sort it. Luckily, I didn’t get too low and I think I quickly realised that it would be done by today and then back to normal. Theoretically it’s the last time that it could happen as well, I’ll be back to work in a month and then any illness from the kids means that I get to actually spend time with them at home. I might enjoy it!

And I booked Elvis’ birthday entertainment this week! I guess, despite the really low mood that I suffered with being trapped at home, I still had a good week and made it to the end of it.

Now, next Saturday will I be posting about how lovely and clear my house is and how I reached my first weight goal?

Leave a comment »

CBT: Session Three – Oh, There I am! #PND

As I walked into the third session, I was still feeling so so down from the session before and then my failed attempt to socialise, that I wondered what the point was. But I wasn’t about to lose my place on the course and I really loved the creche aspect! Honestly, possibly not the best reason, but I’m not going to lie – it was not hope and optimism that made me go on the third week. Haha! The third session was all about rumination (I tick all the boxes, so, yep, I ruminate. A lot) and introduced SMART Goals.

Well, somewhere in the week afterwards, I began to see some light.

I think it happened when I set my SMART Goal in front of everyone in the therapy session. Because that meant I had to stick to it. Right?

Read the rest of this entry »

1 Comment »

Yummy Mummy: Another 0.2kg Lost

A slow week again, but with Robin’s first birthday we ate alot of cake and didn’t eat at home at all for one whole day. On top of that I always have a take away on the weekend. And I had extra lazy days because a cold knocked me out and I’ve just wanted to sleep! ­čś┤

But 0.2 loss is better than nothing and waaaay better than a gain. Only 1.1kg from my first goal! Yay! Maybe 3 weeks if I stay really good.

In other Yummy news, I’m reading “A Knight of the Seven Kingdoms” and I am loving being back in Westeros. I’m still doing at least 3 nights of Dance Central aerobics and my PND therapy course has ended so it’s up to me to remember to keep working at keeping me happy (still working on the blog entries). My attempts at my own social life have been knocked a bit but it is cold season and I refused to let some let downs get me down.

I’ve finished decluttering the kitchen cupboards. I simply emptied one and sorted through it, ditching things that haven’t been used in ages, dishes without lids or multiples (who needs 3 ceramic trays?) And then moved on to the next. I do still have the stuck thought of I might use it one day which I can’t shake, but I’m making steps to make space.

I just spent this morning clearing through my clothes stored under the bed and although I do have a huge pile to donate to charity, I still have loads to put back under there. I am incredibly proud of my self, however, as I hate getting rid of perfectly good clothes. The problem is I do consider my body is in a state of flux. I am actively trying to lose weight and I’ve been pregnant for over half of the past 3 years, so just because I have loads of clothes that don’t fit, it does not mean that they won’t again. I’ve read some articles on declutttering and they state that you should get rid of things that don’t fit, if you ever lose the weight, you’ll want to buy new. Well, I don’t think that applies to me quite yet. These articles are quite ruthless on what you should ditch and whilst I’m nowhere near their level, I’m ditching stuff I wouldn’t have before. If part of my PND is feeling like I lost myself then why would I get rid of the clothes that I associate with the me that I was, the me that I assume or hope I will be again?

Or maybe that’s exactly why I should get rid of them. A clean slate and all. The person that I was is never going to be the person I can be again. I’m a whole new person and that person who wore Little Miss t-shirts is like my distant relative.

It’s just that, yes, my whole entire body has changed, but I’ve spent 3 years in maternity/nursing-able clothing and, well, it’s pissing me off. I’m fed up with it now and I keep all of the clothes that I loved back in the distant past because I want to remember what I was, who I was, what I looked like, but also what I can be when I don’t need an expandable waist to accommodate a growing child or easy access to my boobs for another growing child.

I’ll re-evaluate the clothes when I get to either the right weight or when my breastfeeding journey ends forever, but even so, I’ve cleared out 3 big bags for charity.

Along with 2 bags waiting to be taken to our local BHF store, I also have three bags of kitchen things ready to go and maybe a box plus of kitchen things that are currently in the shed… they may have to wait until I clear up some space as they might need a clean now! Our back room is still a dumping ground. There’s the three huge piles of boxes that are waiting for the next Little Pickles Market and two huge piles of DVDs/games waiting for me to sort out a Music Magpie order. Oh, and I sold on most of my unwanted Christmas presents last week on ebay and made over ┬ú40. This house will declutter, it will just take a while as I am a super-hoarder.

So, maybe only 0.2kg down, but two huge bags and three carrier bags of charity worthy stuff down. That’s a pretty good week, I reckon!

Leave a comment »

Operation: Yummy Mummy

Hiya! Well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? So much has happened since the last posts on here. The last post I really thought was here was The End? And it was. But a lot has happened in the months since then. I was questioning why I was blogging. I was questioning why I was doing anything pretty much. Questioning why I even existed. I tried setting up a new blog that was more about day to day life and not as personal as this blog has been, but it never felt right at the time. I guess because I always blogged when I was low, when I needed to pour out my heart and blogging about being a parent wasn’t what I needed. I think I was trying to make this blog something else and I wasn’t happy anymore. I wasn’t happy with the blog, I wasn’t happy with me. I just plain wasn’t happy. So now, over half a year later and so very close to Robin’s first ever birthday, I’m in the process of changing my life.

I was referred to a local course that helps mums with post natal depression and it made me realise that I completely lost my sense of identity, but not when I got pregnant. Not when I became a mum. I lost my identity somewhere in 2009 when I decided to make the decision to become a mum, only to wait over 3 years. My identity was, for three years, the infertile one. But then I became a mum so who was I? I was just a mum. And that wasn’t, isn’t who I want to be.

Robin has been such a different baby. Easier in a lot of ways. Happier and far, far smilier, but she’s also needed feeding more. She took longer to take to food, to drop her milk. So, I (who has no identity other than Mother), was trapped more and more. For all her easiness and joy, I found it harder. I just wanted space. I just wanted time. I wanted to be me, well, to figure out who I even am. But she was taking longer. So I felt worse and worse.

I guess with a combination of her growing up (almost 1, only 2 milk feeds a day, finally gained some weight, pretty much sleeping through) and the course I’ve been on, I’m working some things out. And so, to find me, I’ve thought a lot about what I like. Or what I used to like.

I like to exercise, to have 30 minutes where I’m not in my head. It could be swimming, jogging or aerobics, but I like it.

I like to read.

I like to be up to date with my Marvel and Star Wars films.

I like to be alone.

And I had blogged for years.

Well, hello 2016 and the year where I make myself happy (because if I’m happy, my family is happy). I’m calling it Operation: Yummy Mummy. It’s not about being the picture of a Yummy Mummy (I’ll never get the figure or beauty for that), but it is about feeling like a Yummy Mummy. It’s about noticing what makes me feel like a failure as a mum, being more active in being a person independent from my children, reaffirming my relationships with friends and my husband. It is about realising the triggers that make me feel down, get me stressed, make my cry hysterically and working on avoiding or fixing them. And, yes, it is about shifting the baby weight which seems to be so much harder to do the second time around. I want to be able to hold conversations with anyone that don’t revolve around children.

And blogging might help. It might not. I might forget about it again within days (I’ve been planning this post for, oh, about 12 days!), but that’s what blogging was originally. It wasn’t planned posts on a regular interval. It wasn’t trying to keep an audience or traffic stats. It was blogging when I needed to. Needed, not wanted. I guess, it was my incredibly public diary. But maybe if I had kept an element of privacy over it, I would have used it more ┬áduring the darker few months. And I’m not out of the dark yet, so it can only help, right?

Leave a comment »

#getoffthesofa

I think I decided to start getting off the sofa just after Easter (probably with the thought that I’d start it properly once all of that chocolate was gone. Ha!) And I think I posted about having an April’s Resolution, well here I am a month later.

I’ve definitely been more active in the past month. Partly with help from some Mummies from my local breastfeeding group – the group isn’t on over Easter so we went walking instead. Since then the 4 mornings that Elvis is at nursery I go for a walk and Robin falls asleep in the pram. I think it’s getting her into a bit of a routine. A bit.

I have bought chocolate and cakes since I started my resolution but they’ve always been my weakness. Because, yes, the goal is to be healthier and help shift some of my pregnancy tum but it’s also just to get me out of the house.

With Elvis I could leave the house whenever I wanted. Go for a walk. Wander around the shops. He napped every morning at half 9 and evening at half 4 in the pushchair because I went out. It’s probably why I was far less achey with him. I don’t have that luxury now.

With Robin, she has to be in the pushchair 1230-1330 for the nursery run. Then for the rest of the afternoon I can’t go out as Elvis naps upstairs. It’s frowned upon. So mornings are for walking.

And it certainly is the weather for it. Hopefully once Robin manages to be put down for her naps (oh help me God, let her sleep in her bed during the day) then the snack food eating will stop. I only do it because I get so bored and lonely rocking her in the nursing chair.

Technically it should be #getoffthenursingchair as she won’t actually let me sit on the sofa.

Here are April’s stats:
Clothes – still in maternity trousers. My size 16 do fit bit underneath my wobbly jiggly bits. In all of my nursing tops from before.
Weight to lose – I started this wanting to lose 20kg. I still have 20kg to lose.
Aches and Pains – I have general relaxin based joint pains and my shoulders/neck hurt from spending so much time rocking in the nursing chair.

Now on with May!

Leave a comment »

Baby in the Sunshine

British baby living in Dubai

Dallas Decoder

Between the Lines and Behind the Scenes of "Dallas"

ColleysWobbles

Riding the wave that is life...wobbles and all

Snot On My Jumper

...and other tales of parenthood

Scarlett and Me

Fashion and beauty for mums and their babes by Faye Jacobs

Dear Mummy Blog

The travellings of Bella and her folks!

Motherhood - made up by me

My journey of motherhood of my daughter and how I make it all up as I go along

A new thing a day keeps the boredom away

My challenge for 2015: try something new every day for a whole year.